Thursday, April 9, 2026

Still going to work

I think I can make it, I really must do this, I have no one supporting me to work but it's like a solo life ever since I out of ward, I truly feel like focusing on medications alone but I really don't know if I should do it, it's only some days left until I get my salary, like 13 days left, I feel I should continue working here.

Sakinah didn't energize me like Hisyammudin was energized at workplace by his lover at that time of this phase of life, he truly got supported by people but me under a strict ruling like a bombardment of pain into my life, even jobclub money I didn't receive as the only energy to quit my work, I really will be short of money if I quit my job, I don't know why doctor didnt call me to tell me if I would continue working, it's just a guess that I "will continue work" anyway, it's really painful but life have to be this way, I truly have no one to accompany me in my life, I am surviving like a survivor instead. Jobclub after ward was fine, then job after jobclub is quite tough, my O.T said if I'm okay it is okay, then I continue working anyway, I really have no confidence with my work at all, but on first day I felt like doing a lot of O.T was truly energize I wonder why I feel like this now, can someone call me up? It's really crazy the feelings like not getting jobclub money and still going to work, it's really bad but I am doing something bad.

I hope I perform well for this job, it's my last day of the week anyway, it's 4 days straight of work today is my 4th, it's 6 hours, and I really don't know if I can do it, I am imagining the 7.30p.m wait from 1.30p.m, it's really a long standing job, and Mandy said it's a standing job if I'm okay, I wonder if she can offer me a different job then, a cheaper salary one that's lighter to work, I really don't know if there's such thing, I really feel like continuing at jobclub kind of feelings, but then I work here again, a place that I ever don't get my salary then they put me at a place I ever failed again, it sucks why it's like this the feelings?

No comments:

Post a Comment

Day 307 out of ward(355 on medications)

Just 10 days left to be 1 year on medications, I'm finally recovering I hope I will be cured soon. Anyway Happy Birthday Shahridah/Aby! ...