Too fast unstable

I'm worried about my 4th day of work, if Alysha's voice doesn't end and I can't remember doctors' words, will doctor call me to tell me I will be fine working? I need some confirmation that I don't quit the job, the voices live in the fan but it's no longer painful sentences that causes anger into raging feeling, I really want to take motorcycle license but it is like this, I need to do this to imagine myself as a hard worker would be imagining it as a tough job, its only tough if Alysha's voice are around, the job can be done by female it means I can do it too.

I wonder why it's like this, like nobody comfort me about my life but I go through the sudden "no allowance" experience that stop my life plans of "having money", it becomes not having money instead, it would be the same if I spend this $250+ on buying cigarettes like 1 carton, then if they give me jobclub money I would still not spend on cigarettes anyway, but they choose to be this way to me, my road to quitting cigarette been created an unhappiness by additional "initiative" that don't support my buys in life, like rather I experience cold turkey of needing cigarettes, they're so stupid I feel like I should sue doctor for blocking my money and making me suffer like collecting stuff outside and eating KFC at dustbin in the past, if I had my jobclub money, my life wouldn't be like this. I know there's a $1 lawyer that can settle something like this, the stress created into imagining a forced feeling like a man to be humiliated and cry in pain, they are stupid in caring and if I'm intelligent it's by my own brain myself, not because of their care I think.

They've stupidified me somehow like having a lot of high status adopted parents means I will be cared of normally, the imagination of nicer life still didn't happen because of schizophrenia, means nobody pity what a schizophrenic would feel but rather I become normal expression and people's decision like their choice in life, they rather I be in difficulty and feeling dirty about my life. Now I take medicine the shortage of having money makes me more rushy feelings and they didn't provide the comfort that I have calculated to have and made me suffer instead. It's like needing to masturbate to soulmate of doctor to become his enemies because he block my hard earned money because of cigarette that I am cutting off. He rather I do that than being helpful to me and let me live a life of my choice and decision.

In my mind it feels like asking soulmate of doctor to suck my cock first before I get my money that's little, and they know it's little but they block my little money, they know schizophrenia is hard to work but they block my money, it's not nice feelings at all about having this kind of adopted parents, that's a status like doctors that decide even salary then I experience this kind of life. By fact I actually did not receive help but torture and 1 day I will know how to use the $1 lawyer for this case. Cigarette are sold in public place and there's no contract like no cigarette for no money, and I'm quitting already, they really energized me to smoke more instead. Means I actually don't have to quit but have to find my own job for money and they maybe even have contacted agents to not give me any jobs at all. It's hard the stalking is crazy, like Alysha exist around to be created happy as they're indirectly torturing me.