Why is it like this?

Voices of small girl lives as a schizophrenia symptom of my life, my memories appeared as voices instead of something I remember, the tone are soft her voice is dangerous and could impact my heart to feel bad, it really demoralize me from working I truly feel like quitting because of the addition of receiving no money from jobclub, I'm so unlucky my pain is like this, I only have about 2 hours to go left then it's heading to work if it's as usual, I can't go to work like this if I don't get money, it's really heavy then I have to bear with it.

I hope there's other voices of motivation that appears, I really hope doctor is right about earning $1500+ with off day on my first month at CleanMark Solutions, it's really hard why doctor said it like that, why I keep hearing her voices is due to her sentence try to ache my heart it became that I always remember it, I didn't get the easy way out of getting money by suing her, life is harsh it's crazy, it still lingers around the small girl's voice, why did she create so many sentences that lasts so many years in my life? Means all schizophrenic patients were ever attacked before by the sentences that they hear as voices? Then all loss memory that have an attacker to life?

It's hard I really want to work here, it's definitely going to be my favourite job, but why is it like this, why does it feel heavy with her voices? Am I really earning $1500+? I really don't know, it's quite crazy the feelings like a dilemma, it's an anger-causing sentence, the people there are nice I really don't want to quit, but why I hear voices, should I take a day off today? Then I quit smoking by next week? It's really difficult I have no one to talk to. My O.T doesn't reply to me, I really don't know what I should do, I should ignore the voices as usual but I worry it ache my heart, but I feel like working anyway, its definitely my favourite job I ever had in life, even if so many times, Alysha probably knew it from doctor that I will work here and quit then until this day I really don't want to quit but her voices still live in my fan, I'm so unlucky, I dont want to feel bad, why is nobody helping me?