Boring feeling worried

I wonder when will it end, I just have to wait for tomorrow, I am reminded about wanting to study Psychology, I wonder if I am someone that can do it, it's really heavy, and I want to do it, but who will be with me next year onwards? If R lied what is going to happen? I am all alone most probably, as there's no news of any one at all, I just have to keep living on my life as probably im a burden to people's life anyway?

I just don't like to feel the panic feelings, I smoke to increase my bravery and courage for tomorrow's type of pain, I plan to open my door so they don't have to knock on door, I hope everything will be smooth and fine, it's really sad but my life is like this. Everyday it's the same "if have any problems today", to think about whenever it's all over, like thinking of focusing on medicine, then suddenly it started all over again, I feel like it's stupid, why the lightness to throw happens, being a litterbug and caught is really suay in my opinion, it's really not fair if I get summoned, theres alot of tissue at level 1 for example, then it's definitely more than mine, like 2 to sweep while mine only 1 to sweep, it's really crazy thinking this way, I don't know how my heart can settle down.

The number of readers on previous post are 7, I wonder who's at attention about my life but quiet about it, why people don't get bored anyway if I write the same thing over and over again.

I wonder when I will start learning Iqra again, because on TikTok or Facebook Videos sometimes it's about Iqra Live then I watch it anyway, to keep myself remembering how to say Iqra. It's really going to be 38.5 years old maybe, because next year I will O level, it can't be that I will still be learning Iqra, it's definitely the end. I don't know why I don't get a Soldier job, then it's probably after Degree, haha, I really don't know. As I thought will become I.M.H doctor as story of doctor is like that? I think they just created me ambitious and good feelings for nothing, like just playing my heart as I'm too ambitious for a high status in life. Don't know why nobody contact me like worry about litterbug matter, people really let me be thinking and stress about it. I'm so sad if it's going to be a summon, like my family should've given me money instead of paying for summon, but judging by how quick they went away, maybe it's a warning after all, it's just not nice feeling waiting like this, I hope they come again in the morning and I settle it quickly.

I remember in learning Psychology I will think back about my 2nd sister and her ex-husband, as I will become a psychic then I will discover whose fault is it too, its really a long time like 3 or 4 years long to become a psychic, even 5 years maybe, then don't know why I'm let to be growing up slowly like this, like leveling up so slowly, my exercises really put me in a nicer shape of arms, legs and backbody, I really want to level up in matter of my intelligence, I really have wasted so much peace like being a litterbug, it's really sad nobody settles it for me, as today I receive no calls from doctor to tell me it's settled. It's really madness like all alone in this, then I have to go through it, wonder why readers don't feel like comforting me at all, its just harsh my life, people are not caring but they care to read, then I dont know the reason of reading.