Up to 37 years old I kept losing my memories then I didn't have time at all to remember Aby or Wahdiah, I kept thinking of Sakinah, it's really harsh the treatment, there were no counsellor helping me too, they let me suffer through this pain all alone, thinking everyone is evil by Alysha, mental so weak, like a dumb person, it feels sad writing this down but schizophrenia believes anything like almost 1 year after that I think, it's really crazy the Alysha, no one stopped her properly as the days happen like she shout outside my room window and even outside my door, she's so heartless verbally abusing me and got away so long, not even ice cream to cool my temperature down knowing it's hot feelings, such a bitch.
I'm upset at my family's treatment, how when I don't take medicine, there's no counsellor to tell them to give me something in life to make me happy, they let me feel hot in life, I even feel like I spent a lot to buy small ice cream, and it's like wasting of money, but it's to cool me down, then I realized my family don't care and know that I'm feeling hot in my body, even doctors don't tell them to care my temperature in my body. So disappointing they're the ones told of my state of feelings, then they don't remind me it feels hot, then it makes to match Alysha of saying they're all evil and Jews, Alysha is like a terrorist appearance into my life, she's so bad in matter of peace and so unhealthy to talk with.
Now at this hour I feel bored, thinking of 2 days left including today, maybe counsellor will just call my parents instead of me, as I don't have anything to say but just the same thing like I want to sue Alysha but I don't know how to do it.
It's really bad my life journey, no happy moments created but the birthdays of my family members, it's the only nicer moments of my life including bulan puasa where the food were nicer and better sometimes. It's really bad how they let me suffer in life feeling tortured by Alysha's voice, because if smoking really kills, there's no old people who smokes, then they probably just will want me to say the same thing, it's really crazy their care are so bad I've been like an independent person as fact the entire years of skipping medications.
I remembered that maybe it was Club Heal that says to eat medicine first, then I don't know if I was monitored by them afterwards, I also wonder why it takes time until needing to email them if really they follow my story of life. My stories are real, all the suicide reason-gaining attempts like flirting with girls to be rejected into shame, planned to dance like a mad dancer in public to shame own self, dormicum pills planning like 50 pills or 100 pills = $500 / $1000 to suicide, it's really crazy they just live their life like I experienced no pain for 20+ years, the heartaching sentences of Alysha worked me like a crazy man I walked a lot to places then nobody helped me I felt so tired at that time, I kept walking to many places so far away, then it's like a survival life, nobody pitied me, they let me pick cigarettes instead of giving me cigarettes, it's really crazy my life, in public many people saw me with the messy hair, then nobody offered to help me too. It's sad my family let me suffer.
I remember 1 time I was schizophrenic then wore my dad's shoes and my 2nd sister's watch, I wear funny match kind of clothes to walk outside for attention and "S.O.S", then nobody helped me, I reached home got scolded by my 2nd sister instead for taking her watch. I felt so much in pain, and the voices really made me crazy but they never shut Alysha or scold her at all until now over 20 years. I feel their way of care as stupid, torturous and brainless like Dina get scoldings from her mother when her mother back home from work then my mother fire some more like "Dia nangis je dari tadi!" like making Dina scared to be scolded more. I was really unhappy of my family's way of care and hope counsellor helps me a.s.a.p, I really feel like I will be tortured until August because of their lack of intelligence in caring my life. It's so boring, no reward or celebration from taking medicine like a warded person getting visitors, I just live like a man taking medicine daily like a stupid dog stuffed food and crave for something special everyday.
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