The girl "Ang Zhi Wei" on TikTok really meet her man or guy for 3 times a year only, is the story told by her on TikTok, then she said she's been scammed and raped on TikTok, I assume is a lie and due to schizophrenia. It's really crazy how she missed her schizophrenic symptom knowledge like saying wrong stuff and believing wrongly. Then maybe it's not her guy after all, she's deeply in love with him probably like I'm in love with Sakinah. I really feel that Sakinah is my soulmate then I can't do anything about this feeling, I feel so helpless and chasing and wanting perfection in my life, then it's like a horror story my life to get Sakinah, it became a suspenseful story instead "if she will get married", it's really sad but I really tried to break them apart when I saw she's wearing like a marriage or tunang clothes, I wonder what makes her heartless about me, why she didn't care about my feelings? Maybe the quote that "women don't care about our feelings but care about how we make them feel" is true? My attempt to get her as I try to write nicely like not forcing a scare, is quite psychotic? I really held back from trying my best but doing something positive to her instead, as I want to be attracted not avoided by her, she made it hard even if it's many years had passed. I really thought I got her the job at O.C.B.C by hacking, and I wonder if it's a false-memory too, I remember I edited icon of hacking tool into "T.H.i.t.W" like that meaning "Top Hacker in the World" so she can see on her computer that she works at that I can hack her, and view her doing her work. It's really cool but if it's a false-memory or dream, I'm sad about it, I thought I'm being helpful to Sakinah. Usually I wanted to write "my Sakinah", because of believing she's my soulmate, then I just don't, it's really tough to control my feelings, but I tried discipline myself to not hurt her at all, then "women don't care of our feelings" as quote? The love feelings are so strong yet it didn't work like a white magic impacting a love story for me. I'm sad how Allah created me to love her then she felt nothing for me.
I wonder why Allah created us to feel all these feelings? Didn't we try our best in relationships too, even if it's Haram? Then Sakinah really just letting me freely in life without trying to in touch with me is the sad part of my love desire being scarred like nothing, I almost turn into insanity when I saw her "marriage or tunang" clothes then I feel Wahdiah wanted me to feel angry at her until loss memory that's why she wear about the same definition in 1 of her photo. Then sadly Aby's status as "Mdm" causing me to feel hurt too, I wonder why my love story ended up that "they're all living their life already and had moved on". It's really weird like white magic didn't live to help my love story to happen. If magic exist, everything in life should be magical like a white magic definition always winning black magic, but then life is like Law checking fingerprints on piece of plastic thrown down, without caring that we know the strict rules of Singapore then we have a good reason for throwing it, it's really sad, then Sakinah don't know I feel I love her and it's my only Good reason to talk to her? Why she didn't care about me?
I hope this stress feelings go away, I just wonder what my life will become, as I became a little smoker of storm king, to survive the crave of cigarettes, and to survive life, because of money. Then I can't buy books too because my parents don't seem to support or like that I want to do O level next year like didn't ask me "if I want to study by myself" first, it's really weird. It's a high standard exam then they just don't care like I'm invisible or my motive is boring and nothing exciting. It should lead into a happiness and a lot of support but my parents don't care about it.
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