Previous post I only have 8 viewers, I don't know why so little nowadays, it doesn't energize me that someone will talk to my family about money or cigarette plastic, then no one encourage me to study O level first before next year starts, it's really a solo feeling just like N level days, like nobody cares, it means it will become the same old plan due to scoring 100% in exams in all subject, I plan to leave my family forever and "run away from home", because of the support they give me is so little, I'm just upset about it. I plan to leave my parents by themselves because they will live up to 100+ years old anyway says doctor, then at 90 years old onwards I plan to buy them 100+ drinks, hopefully I have money and work well by the time, it's really sad how they've aged so old then still treating me the same way, they rather I in pain or stress in ward with crazy behaviours, like hostiles issit they call it? It's really scary especially have like 2m tall man in ward all naked, imagine if he grab and make us touch his private part, he just pee outside toilet like nothing and make me worry during bathing period he will open the door etc., it's really crazy nurses and doctors let him roam free, the nurse are too small but manage such a giant guy that's naked, that actually can bully the nurses like taking the card to run out of I.M.H, it's really crazy he's so strong and gigantic then my parents let me live in a ward with this kind of people.
My heart still ache from thinking of litterbug hunters, it's really just madness in my mind, how far they go to chase a litterbug really fingerprint check even a piece of plastic, it's really sad Law waste their resources doing something like this, which at first fingerprints thought as for murder cases only, it's really crazy and sad, I dislike how rich they are to buy all the tools to check fingerprint, even salary people to do it, I hope Law dont waste their money on hunting litterbugs because have cleaners anyway.
My recovery phase is not truly felt like "a healing journey" but just "an independent solo experience with schizophrenia and taking medicine daily", it became a dull experience instead of my imagined sketchbook of experiences and self-celebration, then it's nothing to celebrate with my family, they just make it a boring healing journey with high expectation that I go to work and earn money by my own self. At least they should support me until I get a good job that I can do, but they just won't do that and government's money is what I rely on most of the time, other than my brother's given money and hari raya money.
My healing journey is still a survival lifestyle causing me to feel sad about it.
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