Cigarette feeling is really bad the craving made my head hurts then when I smoke I feel dizzy because my body feels good again, it's harsh I understand cigarette like an addict to smoking, it's really bad but I have to keep trying and not give up, if I don't smoke I can buy nice clothes for myself to go out.
I have a feeling like Shahridah won't remember me because it's been so many years and her status as "Mdm" doesn't it mean she's married? My head was hurting from remembering all these including the Merlion meet-up plan/promise, it's really bad then I feel my head as empty because of this it feels like I won't remember anything as something true instead. It's like I will lose my memory again, it's May and I'm remembering about girls instead it's definitely painful, a lot of memories loss supposedly that is blocked by eating medicine, then i didn't experience memory loss, because I'm supposed to feel very happy as meeting Shahridah again.
I want to remember the dreams again but I fail, it's really sad how dreams we can forget easily if not it can become a daily writing to make a post longer. I dream something about being an observer of kids, and I got a long body jacket to wear, means I just have to observe kids playing at an area, my 1st sister gave me the jacket, and in the dream shes young like a teenager. I dream of playing arcade fighting game that failed to start, it will jam, about someone selecting as captain america and venom to fight me, then the player is venom(the real actor), it is weird why I dream of an actor that's a villain in the movie?
I remembered something like doctor saying will enrol me to child psychology secretly next year, then I don't know if it's real or it's just a mix up story by him, he likes to add "if" in his tellings of an information then just energize me and I will experience memory loss usually, he knows how to make me happy I guess, I think doctor don't mind the memory loss occurrences then it means it's nothing bad maybe? But it's been 21 years long then I only feel like 1 year of life experience, but when I calculate it's reaching 1 year since last time I entered ward, but I remember the days inside ward this time.
Its 2nd May and I haven't touch about Iqra, I really will try to understand by next year then, it feels impossible to be able to read Al-Quran by June, then I dont mind anyway, the thing is my goal is next year at first then I try for 3 months and 6 months, it's really okay anyway.
I feel like going to class of Ustaz Harun every weekend then I really don't know about Hijrah, I feel like asking him to make an Online streaming of his teaching but I don't think he will want to do that, I feel bored is why.
I really imagine myself as someone that will grow from journal writing daily, but I really don't know, the 1 year feels nothing and doctor story is like nothing interesting will happen this year, it will be a dull feeling most probably, I want the feelings to be fun and living life kind of thing but I can't achieve it, sadly.
No comments:
Post a Comment