Yesterday I slept at living room until morning, when I was alone I heard voices that I ever thought there were android devices in my bed that auto answer on call to talk to me, I heard "1...2....3....4..." then I lift my head, it was scary it felt so real, like the conversation with Aby, I heard voices so real like that when on my first day of "conflict" with Aby. It's really weird if schizophrenic we can believe the voices as real reality happening instead, about 8 months to 1 year, the lies of Alysha became voices in my head that I hear back like a playback recordings or calls to android devices into my ear, it became believable and painful, then yesterday was quite scary, who would be counting the numbers in middle of the night? It's really scary to be schizophrenic for the first time, when in the past I thought have spy cameras everywhere then it made me dare to enter scary places "as I imagine have people hiding everywhere" because of knowing "when to make me hear voices", I thought it's a healing method, that an Android or phone auto loudspeaker and auto answer calls from others and make me hear voices, the voices sounds so real. It's unbelievable all these years the girls never take the chance to know my condition and didnt help me out like buying me ice cream, schizophrenia really is painful and shocking, it's really bad if the voices sounds so real like can hear at our eardrums I imagine. It was only on the left side of my ear.
Anyways today is holiday whatever holiday it is, I thought Anaqi skipped school during his PSLE year, it was like a kaypoh uncle telling his father that he didn't wake up for school then his father respond that it's Holiday.
It means next Monday is the 3rd business day for counsellor to contact my father, it's really harsh my life, if I have more money I would have spent like yesterday buying fish burger and pizza for $5.90, it's maybe actually cheap if earning of $1400-$1600/mth, then I only have so little and surviving with nice food as something rare to happen in life.
I hope Club Heal maybe offer to help me find a job and I get a nice job, it's really harsh my life, I just want to live my life properly, and jobclub's job getting is too tiring or painful for body, it's really bad especially the dark vision I will experience if my feet becomes painful, it's really a bad experience. I only have 6 months to work until it's O level, I wonder what will happen to me in life.
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