I'm reminded of my dreams again then wonder if I can achieve them: drones at S.A.F, hacker, cyber security at c.s.a, psychologist, O level, A level/Diploma, it's really hard I hope I get to become a successful person, I hope someone will be around to be with me next year onwards, it's really boring my life journey. I really think August then I will start learning essay if nobody helps me in June to have money, I really feel bad like the girl suffering I think she understands me if she hear about me, it's really a scary life experience this life without money, I wonder why my life journey is so heavy, I hope to have an easier life. I don't know if I can handle so much of what I dream to become, I just need to study hard that's all. I guess doctor played with my feelings about "hacker job", I really didn't get the job sadly been so many years anyway. My ideas are nothing to them, I even plan of a drone-takeover kind of remote control to take control of other's drones as an idea then I wonder if it can happen, it's too much like a bipolar disorder, it's really sad my mind became thinking it's a nice idea when actually people have to know about the programming or metals like walkie talkie in the remote control, it sucks I hate it whenever I think I became like a bipolar disorder.
Just now at N.T.U.C I search for mechanical pencil and sketchbook to buy using supermarket voucher but can't find, maybe at other NTUC have them, I feel like drawing around and I remember doctor said that I will die if I try to draw Sakinah's face and if it's nice and recognizable as her face. Means I become crazy and "enter heaven"? Hahaha. Why Sakinah didnt pity that I love her so much and I just live my life like this?
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