I really have no idea who will be settling my life, the counsellor and Club Heal didn't contact me back even after 3 days, maybe they contact my parents, then my mother followed me on TikTok means she knows about my blog already. I have been wanting a counsellor ever since my teenage days, due to lack of money and poor lifestyle, I really don't know why my parents are like that to me. It's just too strict and painful, it makes like a desire to earn money by working short days then having income to resell drugs, such thing in my mind. I will think of drugs to business but I have no idea where to buy them from. I feel life as something easy knowledge to gain info where drugs exist, but I wonder why Police always takes a longer time to know about it, it's really weird.
My parents are the ones that made me think of drugs like "wanting to feel better in life" is a lot of pleasure, then they didn't give me money, I loss of pleasure from anhedonia, then they don't support to pity my condition, they just let me live life normally. They buy food like honey chicken, etc. but then most of the time I have to cook myself because I wake up early nowadays, it's been almost 1 year that I woke up at 7a.m to 8a.m. Pleasure like selling drugs began to become my desire to do in life whenever I am short of money, then I don't know where I can do such thing. Then I remember when looking at people wearing smart it reminds me of wanting to become a Police too, then my heart is quite mixed up like that, I really have nobody in life.
My parents let me experience this growth all alone without friends(if not they maybe belanja me Mee Soto or Ice Milo even Teh Katai), it's really sad they don't let me have friends to luck on getting to feel pleasure in life like nicer food and drinks. CDC Voucher really supported my life nicely but I have money to pay them back because I remembered I told doctor my teenage days I stole money, so I pay back using CDC Supermarket Voucher, doctor said that it will take me 3-4 years to pay them back, then I guess it's fine, it's really harsh doctor knowing I'm in difficulty of money but they didn't talk to my parents.
Growing older I began to realize like nobody really cares if I have only little money from government, except my brother that gave me money, then I realize they don't effort to give me any idea of getting money except from voices of Alysha that made me thought I will be getting money, it's really madness my mind, then I don't know what to do about it. This is why counsellor been on my mind since teenage days so I feel lucky that Club Heal have free counselling I think, then I contacted them but within 3 days still no information I began to wonder if it's settled or not too.
I imagine joining a secret society for money, then I think such thing don't happen in reality, as it means need to work for them for money, and the path is only drugs, then why police didn't undercover and join secret society to know of drugs easily? It's really weird life of common sense, easily to just get a tattooed person to ask for secret society and then join then getting drugs knowledge, police work a weird way like they are hunters instead, then understanding life like people can live from selling drugs for so long it means it's a lot of freedom from police as fact.
Even if Law didn't help me about Alysha or supporting by providing a free counsellor that's a Police Force, I think I will somehow plan of way to live in life. I don't understand why my parents let me live like survival from "kerak nasi"(in this case: About Money), it's always a finishing experience before the next income or getting from government, it's just too bad my parents are not caring like other people's families, I'm so bad luck. They didn't initiative to sue Alysha for money for the bad doings she done to me mostly verbal abuse and shocking me like using binocular to spy on my messages, she's really annoying and a little bit insane. I wonder why my life became like this, it feels like I want to marry a schizophrenic instead 1 day that understand life as not easy despite parents having money because they just assume something bad kind of usage and rather let us remain a survival lifestyle.
I'm so unlucky in life, I hope a counsellor save me, even if it's more than 1 counsellors, I hope as it's faster because I have a lot of adopted families then nobody can talk to them if only 1 counsellor at work and siding me it would be too tiring, I hope my stories gain hearts from counsellors to help me. 1 day I plan to advertise my TikTok account for 100K viewers for $18, to make it seem like Karaoke but to gain eyes that counsellors read, it's so hard in life for a free counsellor, even a problem need to be settled with money, it's sad.
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