The stress I told Club Heal is about Alysha, hoping she would be sued with help from Club Heal, I really need the money or at least for Dina to have more money at least, I don't want to live this kind of life keep anticipating painful things for me to feel. I don't know why my family like let her go but I don't and want it to be settled faster. It's unfair how she been living life peacefully while I was schizophrenic life occupied with her voices that keeps trying to create heart attack to me. It's really sad that none of my family members takes actions.
I feel like a sense of living life whenever I use the computer, I really want my life with computer back and "live my life", but then anhedonia really made me "okay to have no computers", because of the loss of pleasure I usually get, so I guess to just write whenever I use the computer. Writing is quite a pleasure to feel hoping someone can settle the life problems that I'm facing, it's really hard life with nobody siding me, I hope a counsellor somehow will side me and help me a lot in life.
Right now I feel like buying stuff, because I understood Puan Hamidah Bahashwan that I will quit smoking when the price of Storm King is $4.30 so it means I maybe can buy nice food for myself.
The CDC Voucher I can use to buy Baked Chicken, the imagination made me happy as the Chicken at NTUC costs only $5+. Usually 1 Chicken can last for 2 days, I hope I would have a pleasant life this time with the support of Club Heal within 3 days hopefully, then the counselling session especially I will ask how to Sue Alysha as I'm not letting her off especially for Dina's cries since toddler days.
Anyway I applied for NDP Tickets hoping to give my Niece and Nephews as I have nothing in life, just trying to be the best uncle for them, like I don't have Duit Raya to give them, I'm the poorest among relatives and family members and it's weird I feel like I'm the most caring one too, nobody cares if I'm in a difficult life. It's really sad, my relatives can't do anything like I have no money because they don't know about me most probably, nobody seem to really ask my parents about me or worry that I have no money in life, their expectation is definitely for me to work and earn by myself, it's not that I don't want to be independent, I really want a great life with money but I'm just not strong enough and I feel sick, it's weird it sounds like I don't want to work at all and it's wrong, there's no other way of explaining about it.
I'm playing a youtube music as background while writing this, I really want a life like this writing my heart's out then hopefully a counsellor-level type of person reads me and help me even if don't know me, it's really hard my life experience, nobody cares I hear voices like it was on repeat then they didn't give me pleasure like cold drinks a lot like they don't anticipate I will experience pain and heartache from the voices. It's a pity like they don't care about me, then about Dina like I'm the only one in the family that cares for her when she was a toddler, like nobody fought Alysha except me alone, I wonder why it's like that it's so unfair, Dina was so small and experienced a lot of crying in her life, means I really like Dina to smile a lot when she was a baby. Now Dina is 19 years old and growing well and happy with a boyfriend, it's really good that she's looking stronger than Alysha and I don't know what makes Alysha don't feel bad until today or now, to not give Dina any penalty money for her wrongdoings and bad actions towards her. I really hope Dina gets something for all the torture she felt when she was a toddler.
Life is looking unfair like there's no karma.
Life is looking to become difficult and ease only from own effort, it's unfair.
No comments:
Post a Comment