Memories of Future

I remember doctor telling me 1 day at O level in school I will have a lot of Pokemon Cards in my bag, means I somehow will have money to buy them for my future children to have the collection. It's really fun it feels like I will do well in O level or at least a pass I hope, I really want to see how far I can go in life even if it's at this age turning 38 years old about 3 weeks.

My mother and my niece "Dina" now followed and I followed back on TikTok, I'm happy they have an activity now at TikTok.

I really don't believe that there's competition in Star Maker then I would just want to be playing Karaoke just for fun and happiness, so I'm not really a competing voice but just looking for pleasure in life.

It feels good like missing the old days with my 2nd sister's ex-husband but I can't do anything about their break-up as I loss my memory anyway. It's just unfair the perfection of family gone but then I start to imagine even a university level person may experience divorce, it's just too bad in life to happen. The divorce just happens without my knowledge for more almost 20 years.

I don't understand why both of them feel fine about it but both married someone else already, it's just time to think of the future.

Life is scary like due to seeing the flaw of my family's care, it's like promoting another painful experience to happen then nobody would believe me as I have schizophrenia. It's just too bad my life been wanting a counsellor since teenage days but then only now I got to approach Club Heal by writing to them. It's been a long survival life always losing my memories of things I want to do, then nobody pitied me like how much I've lost in life, I carry on living taking medicine forgetting it was idea of Club Heal to not skip medicine. I'm successful in taking the medications daily then I don't know when I will recover from it, I know the day is closing but it could still be 39 years old as doctor like created a riddle for me instead of telling me the date. I remember it's like December that it will happen(the recovery), means I have 6 months+ to go. It's really a long time to endure this is like hiking in the mountain, it became steeper as the feelings of taking medicine daily is already like hiking a mountain. The endurance is the steep feelings in my heart. I wonder what muscles will grow in my brain for it to be stronger so I can't be fooled anymore due to weak mentally, even if strong in memories(if take medicine only) then it's the memory loss as symptom, it's so bad, I have no one to comfort me about my memory loss.