Night Time(Day 3)

It's finally the 3rd day confirmed as over about the "litterbug hunter" as passed 5.30p.m already, tomorrow is another day to go through and another cycle of stress, lol, it's really sad how Law works rather wasting their money checking fingerprints to capture 1 plastic tobacco litterbug, what a serious hunt or chase, Law is so disappointing they should give charity to people like me, so other than Government's C.D.C, G.S.T, Assurance Package, C-o-L, "Charity" for poor people like me would be nice, looking at household individuals instead of size of house that we live in, definitely will be rejected from being given money, don't know why Law waste their money like nothing, I wonder what's the flour they use is it special powder or not, then the check on system, it's usage of electricity bills, then printing paper for summon if summon? Law is really a sad decision kind of work in my experience about this litterbug hunting.

Luckily my 2nd sister is no longer a Police but Yellow Ribbon Industries, I don't know if it's the same, or secretly a Police still, but I hope 1 day a lot of Police help a schizophrenic as priority due to the panic and heat we feel in heart from hearing "Police!" but for a piece of plastic is the sad thing, I don't mind throwing 1 piece of something for Law if Law people penalize this way instead of making sweep for 1 hour or more. It's really just something upsetting, tincans can be found easily at sitting places like playground then definitely I will luck into throwing 1 or 2 for Law, as long as they don't cause panic over 1 piece of plastic.

Anyways I really feel sad how Sakinah is actually gone from my life for so long, and Shahridah been gone, Wahdiah too, even Lyanie as a normal chat type of friendship, it's really sad how split-up happens because of schizophrenia and they receive no explanation for what they experienced from me, then they are able to think if they want a schizophrenic or not in their life too, it's really sad how I'm schizophrenic hearing voices of Alysha like whole day today, night time it becomes lesser now but only now it's softer, it's a lot of anger just now I think I'm supposed to lose my memories a lot of times because I experience dark vision, then seeing like hairy things, then I assume it's my eyelid because my eyes supposed to go upwards and becoming white = memory loss occur. It's really crazy like a madness or insanity people will draw a cartoon like a person becoming angry or mad, but then for my case I will lose memory if that happens to me, I don't know why, but luckily today no matter how much the anger I still manage to go through it.

I wish I can chat with schizophrenics to understand them more if any symptoms like me(dark vision especially), it reminds me of "vision of an autistic person", it feels like a heartbeat, then it's really bad like hearing voices in detail or accuracy if someone speak. I realize I am not handicap or autistic, so it's okay because I remember NVLD is Non-Verbal sickness, I thought it's about memory perfection then I scored 100% all subjects in N level, then I thought I'm something like a genius or prodigy, then I normalized now and think it's funny instead. My friend's(Rendra) information on autistic and nvld is wrong, they are definitely cacat something as fact then I'm not a cacat person.

I remember if I'm too happy I may blush like become cheek to shoulder, I forgot which year it happened but I have grown up at that time, then I thought I became cacat for awhile. It's really weird the happiness was "getting a T-Shirt" that's Plain Colour from my mother then it's like a wood brushes kind of look, it's so nice. I am really something wrong then I thought, I loss memory immediately as I was too happy about the simplicity of the T-Shirt. I wanted Simple things to wear at that time. It's also painful if I blush, then 1 day I sold it to my friend before, it's really difficult to be stable as too happy and cacat, I wonder why I'm like that as I'm not autistic or nvld, maybe I'm just a different kind of normal sickness, then I remember I'm actually just schizophrenic and ambitious to become a genius 1 day, or high status in a workplace, then I'm really just nothing but schizophrenia causes me to experience dark vision as "will feel like looking upwards" and see my own eyelid hair then thought it's dark vision, it's just bad my eyes will feel like wanting to look up then my neck will want to look up I will usually forcibly look down and then I will pray I will be fine, schizophrenia is really like something odd movement thing, I think it's call catatonia, then I think maybe my experience is catatonia? Then it's maybe a different sickness because it always happens if I walk too much?

I hope I will be fine tomorrow and it will be another day of peace. Pray for me whoever.