Still stress

I check the day then it's only the 3rd day this week, it's really crazy the panic, quite sucky feelings every morning, it's not nice at all to waste money checking fingerprints on plastic of tobacco, Law is horrible, someone must study Law and support me about this, to just let the cleaner sweep and let luck be a word that exist, naturally smokers throw around anyway, it's something never ending in life.

I definitely will biz portable ashtray 1 day and become a businessman of this, I really want myself to be rich too, then reselling Anbernic too, like make an online shop as it's the best I feel. I wonder how to become a businessman in August, like using my money to create a business, I ever plan to biz computers before then that's all, not laptop, I really wonder how to become a rich person to do this, I'm so old already, I'm a hacker definitely someone will like to buy computers that I sell, I definitely will show off that I'm a hacker. Maybe to name the biz as "Top Hacker's Corner", like an online store, definitely will be cool. Then I think of making money through "we walk for ghost" ghost hunting adventure group, like advertisement on my website manually placed by me, it would definitely be nice. I feel like walking all by myself before, it felt like I ever done such thing when I'm schizophrenic, then it's okay to do it again I guess, I feel to become a ghost hunter 1 day and hope I can see jinns 1 day, I don't know how they look like despite my age turning 40 years old, when 40 is the usual age "someone can see jinn" as something believable, then it's hard I am nothing and not powerful to see jinns.

I wonder if jinn understands English language, it would be funny if they speak English?

I wonder when I will do all these dreams of mine, I feel like I will take O level and Psychology course again suddenly just now, instead of Computer Course. I don't know why but I hope someone will be around in my life for me to feel happy about.

Everyone living their life is like an abnormal decision despite me having schizophrenia, they don't really care except that I take medicines daily, I don't know why it's like that, my life is boring and dull everyday, I don't know how to recover from this boredom. I grow in my weight while my schizophrenic neighbours looks the same, I wonder like if I should ask doctor for the same medicine as them, I really don't want to become a fat man, my weight is maybe 75kg now, I'm so heavy like a killer drop on a girl then girl can die? Haha. I wonder why I became so fat, it's definitely the medicine. I really need to have a change of medicine 1 day then the worries will be over.

I'm thinking of how to have a life. Today Ive used up my money now having $80+ left, because I am confident I can survive until August. I bought redbull 3 times today then a small bottle of drink, same as yesterday, it's like $5 each day for 2 days it's quite worrying but I guess I will be fine because June is C.D.C voucher then maybe will last until July or August or more.

I'm happy that June onwards I will start studying for words by myself, and most probably I will highlight the most probable words to be used on an essay or letter writing for O level. I don't know why my parents don't support me yesterday I posted link about studying computers.

Anyway, it means I will highlight complicated words, write them down, in pen, then write the definition in pencil, highlight probable words.

I'm looking forward to become a studying person next month, definitely I will change into someone better, it's 6 months earlier then my 2nd sister at that time study O level for 2 years 2 times, then it means I have 6 months, 1.5years of studying. I really hope I can do this, if I pass normally I want to take Computers, if I pass successfully, I want to take A levels and Degree in Psychology, I really want to become a psychic and know around people's lives.

I wonder how doctor did it, knowing Simba will exist, then my number to be this, then it didn't exist in the past, it's really quite crazy why it's like that? I really want to become a better man already and hopefully I pass or more in O levels. I think my 1st sister have degree so she's the smartest in family now I think.

My brother got a Soccer Coach certificate from F.A.S already for age 6-12 years old.

It's really weird like how can I be successful like them, I saw name card that my brother was a Manager in Termites company, he definitely far ahead of me in life and I became someone lagging behind so bad.