Road into feeling Dead

Like a sniped person I feel targeted in my heart for it to feel unhappy at the same time, it's really bad I have to survive this cruelty of a hunter of litterbug, that even maybe check fingerprint on plastic, maybe "to train their colleague they test on a plastic", then it became my luck, there's millions of people in country, then definitely there's maybe 100K litterbugs per day but they capture 6000/mth or year, I'm so unlucky to be 1 of them, my luck is so bad I don't know why it's like this. Of all people it's me again, the same litterbug that is waiting for knock at door, it's so bad they doing this to me the panic feelings are real, why nobody helped me and why this is the only comfort I can have in life? Just to wait for the door knocks? I'm so unhappy. They're so ungrateful as I've collected so many litters before and throw in the bin then my luck just 1 plastic it became chaotic in my mind, the loss of peace is unbearable adding Alysha's voices it's kinda making me crazy.

The loneliness of my life without Sakinah making me mad too, then I'm reaching my happy age then this happens, why it's like this my life?