See no talk

Haha almost 1 year writing this ever since September, then nobody talks to me still, it's really tough my life people made me have no friends on purpose and I don't know what motive is it, they would blame me instead for having no friends and feel that it's good to be like that, it's really sad they don't promote a connection to happen between me and my friends they just let us go a different path of life, so disappointing I don't have encouragement in life but just earning money in mind like a body builder making bodies muscular, I feel if they feel that I don't need much money in life, why they didn't give me money anyway if it's nothing to them? If duit bunga bank why can't they just let me use them? I imagine like that, I remember even if $200+ in bank the duit bunga is like 2 cent, I imagine people that have over $10K in bank, definitely a lot of money as duit bunga but they don't let me have money still, I wonder why, duit bunga meant for donation anyway. Now I managed to save up $20 cdc voucher still imagine if my parents bring me to Batam is spending $80+ on tickets then I would still have $70+ maybe as fact if they give me my ticket money instead, they don't think like that but became used to like saying "no money", it's really bad their care is so painful like a torture as it keeps replaying in mind.

I don't believe they really care about me, they just want me to eat medicine that's all, my weak mind taken advantage of in the past as they say "no money" it's really bad to my health and they really did such thing to me.

Doctor's message telling 50-70+ years old to keep their money also ruin the view, means doctors only good medically and not a happiness giver in life unless matter of health and sickness, it's really sad like I think I need a judge to help me instead, but then I think counsellor is enough.

I wonder how to be happy without anhedonia with only 2 fluoxetine daily, it's really sad the pleasure of life taken away like nothing, it regain like an addiction or crave for pleasure in life instead, so little happiness from fluoxetine. They probably will judge me as insane as need medicine but I don't know, it's just my luck to have mental problem, even people would go mad at me despite my mental sickness, like my father ever beat up my back head at one time even after have won pinning me downwards, it's really bad I have no one helping me at all and they only gain bad views on me to treat me like their wish or wants. Police was called and I was made to go I.M.H, they maybe won't treat nice at all I thought as schizophrenia is already a loss of pleasure in life then anhedonia from Alysha's stories, then anhedonia again from paliperidone, it's really sad my body ruined by medicine. I hope I recover from schizophrenia soon but I still hear voices and I can't do anything about it.

I hope counsellor understands my pain as something real if not physical then it's like a heartache to describe it, it's really painful but my family regard mental sickness as "nothing painful" or maybe even an exaggeration of pain expression. It's really sad nobody understands me even after 20+ years of medicine treatment to me.