I am sad like my actions have her commands, then 1 of her lie is she thought she's psychic controlling me, definitely doctor would say schizophrenic but then doctor didn't give her medicine it means she just expressing as "won" me, bad my life knowing her, and my family treated her well too, don't know why she's worse than a criminal, because of the duration I go through this is so long and multiple type of pain, then I am sad how my family can still be comfortable not suing her or getting anything from her, maybe they just feel bad that it's just neighbours anyway, the enemy feeling last so long in me that when I schizophrenic I may forget and just judge as "hearing voices" even if she's really the one shouting at window or outside my room door, she enters house like shamelessly because used to live with me, I'm so unlucky the unhappiness is so long and it stays in my heart like a scar, I remember by hearing again then it just means I have no choice but to listen as "my memory came back", I wonder what her parents talked to her she seem still the same the last time I saw her, she just have grown so tall that nobody cares to say "da besar panjang" because of her character/personality/attitude, nobody cares shes tall now unlike in the past, lol, got all the nice attention then became a bad girl that enters university missing the police because she was young age at that time, then it's maybe not a police case sadly, I will hate the police if they don't help me about suing her if any of them reads this.
I have been taking medicine daily like I was told then the next injection is coming up on 8/6/26, it's really fast just 8+7 days to go, I hope I would be feeling happy despite the anhedonia that I have them somehow whatever loss returns back in my body(the good feelings of having fun), there's really like no joyous feeling and I'm sad about it, the dopamine blocker I think it's called for paliperidone, as too happy will cause me to memory-loss so I will lose pleasure of fun and happiness, it's been almost 1 year and sadly nobody pity me that I am anhedonic, even my 2nd sister asked me what it means "anhedonia", it sucks they don't remember my condition proving they don't really care as long as I eat my medicine, the loss of feelings are real yet they don't pity enough to give me money to enjoy, or even offer to go out to shopping malls, I'm left at home with a lot of prayers that I will have fun in life 1 day, the loss of chances to get Sakinah are not cared by them they just let the chances be gone and living their life earning money like a "responsible person", so unlucky just having fitness to work but they get a "responsible" status or profiling, in so unfit yet still anticipate being demanded to work, I really don't know what to do I can't find a suitable job that ease my mind or that Alysha haven't interfered, it's really sad my memories really think of her over and over again because I hear "little girl's voices".
Sometimes I wish she becomes a kafir 1 day due to her crazy nature, that looks like schizophrenia instead, it's really sad I hope she don't get treated and experience the hot part of "balasan", but only schizophrenia then she would feel hot I believe, if not she's just a pretending to be in pain or feeling tortured. Her happiness is not my happiness, so I still waiting for the person that she love to punch his face and let him see that she's bad luck, it's like she turned me into a criminal just by this as Law don't handle it I have to do things by myself 1 day. I don't know why Law don't handle her by disturbing her school, because the balasan should be including "disturb school" because she demoralized me when I was N level expressing as Wahdiah saying I'm low education, "n level je" she said. She's so bad but police didn't interrogate her motive that I believe was to cause me suicidal or look insane that attacks her to be tied by jacket and strapped at mouth, my parents didn't pity me like shutting the door etc. and they let be I experience painful sentences from Alysha, she's so bad like deserve to fall face down on a stone cement or floor, it's really harsh that nobody pitied me by suing her but I lived over 20 years stressed by her words and actions, I remember she said she poke computer wire but I wonder if true or just to get my heart in pain like expressing "won me anyway", it's bad my life almost 1 year on medication then can still be hurt by her voices.
I don't forgive whoever that don't help me fight her damages done to me and my relationship, my parents seem to let her go then running away from home when I'm strong and leaving them permanently is the only choice I have left, they don't even support me by giving money and don't pity I have less pleasure in life. So disappointing my parents.
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