Trying to create nostalgia

On my brother's computer now, I'm listening to music and writing this.

I realized that nobody is settling for my heart the love story I wish for in life, but I'm remaining positive that "doctor will help one day", I hope it's true.

Why do let me grow old into 38 years old in 1 month being single and having no money? It's really an aggressive treatment I think, then I can't do anything about it. How can I make my parents treat me better? Anyway I feel like going to Batam with my parents this coming trip, I just miss the food there I guess. I also plan on taking photos of Batam myself and try to have fun in life, I really don't know, the worries about being a litterbug still isn't over, it's another aggressive treatment too - as they check fingerprint on the tobacco plastic. It's really sad Law being like this, when will I study Law to counter future decisions like this? It's like wanting to cause panic to people, when the sweeper can just sweep at one go. How can I be so unlucky like this?

This time is my another final try to quit smoking so that I have a nice June and Birthday experience like "not been smoking for several days", it's my 12313281 tries to quit hahaha. I'm happy I'm at this stage or phase again because it means I will still decrease smoking anyway, I wonder what would happen too about the litter, if I would really be warded into I.M.H?

I'm thinking of updating my RG477V but I have no mood to do it yet, some people experience problem after updating it like their games list won't load. I will update one day.

I'm planning for a long writing because I like the mood using computer made me feel, it's like a nostalgic life can happen due to me having a computer or laptop 1 day, to feel a happiness that my life becoming "like it used to", I'm a computer guy so I don't know why my parents don't mind that I don't have a computer for so many years, it's been since N.S days I think the computer spoiled. It's really sad but my life really go downhill like losing my lifestyle about computers, knowing I can't work properly, having no money most of the time, multiple times spending money on the same thing over and over again, really my mind became schizophrenic, as I try to tell myself as not "crazy/insane" due to wanting the attention that will help me, but it seems nobody is supporting my tries of getting money from my family, they rather believe I won't become insane/crazy then really not giving me money for the higher peace and pleasures in life.

I really miss experiences like using the Android to walk under tunnel, I kept trying to create a nostalgia by taking photos and posting on TikTok or Facebook. I wonder when someone will start to pity me and give me money, Hisyammuddin was luckier in life, I was around to get him $50 to him when he's struggling with life on medicine, then 6 mths or 1 year he gets money from his mother, why is my life different than him even if my father have a 2-storey house? Why are they treating me different than this decision? Why they don't fear that I become crazy/insane/suicidal? It's really bad but they let me go through something like this without peaceful or pleasant encouragement like trading myself to eat medicine "for something in life", to gain something in life. I'm let to be living a life like no gains and feeling useless most of the time of my life, why am I made to be sad like this? It's a lot of anger.

I'm thinking if I should be working temporary dishwashers to have money in life, I really don't know it feels bad like a lot of regret doing dishwashing because "it feels different", I wanted it bearable like Seoul Good or Big Fish Small Fish, then it's painful type that I get instead, then I worry of other places if it's bad feelings too, I don't know why my luck are bad most of the time.

I hope using computer this way can bring a nostalgia in future like "about blog", "about money", just something that I will remember my happiness like having RG477V.