It's really a boring life, the laptop is 12gb ram and 128gb ssd it feels like worth it to get, 3 years anyway who would give so long warranty? I don't know why it's like this the feelings. I hope my parents buy me laptop anyway it's really harsh they let me be like this with nothing. I feel so poor and like nothing to do at home, it's too boring and my recovery phase I wasn't gifted laptop or computer too as a reward for taking medications that I didn't take for so many years, maybe 20+ years of skipping medicine then finally it's over, can't be that they don't know because doctors knew it that I would take medicine daily but then why doctors don't tell them, maybe it's this as reason, they really don't know if I take medicine so they don't gift me anything, it's really boring my recovery phase, almost 1 year yet nothing in life, it's still the same daily, even a physical sickness gets gift if someone visit, me only food and drinks like Redbull and Milo then that's it, I really have nothing like a new phone even, I don't know why my family are like this, if I'm the one caring a schizophrenic I would gift something that makes the time that passes as something not painful, maybe a new phone, a cheap laptop like this writing $260 only, but if I really spend on laptop it's just $46 addition into my life because of jobclub's money, will I have enough or I should just keep using this computer instead? It's not always peaceful to write like this like right now it's 2.04p.m I don't know if Anaqi is coming home then I can't use the computer afterwards as he's using.
I really don't know what to do in life, my parents are happy living life with their frequent trip to Batam while my siblings working life earning a lot of money peacefully, then me I'm the only one suffering in this family but then nobody cares, even during Alysha's attacks nobody stopped her and she continued like a mad girl. It's so unfair she's so small yet have said so many painful things then nobody make her pay then I live my life until 20 over years, ever since Dina wasn't borned she already attacked my life I think or Dina was just a newborn at that time, then nobody remembers then I have to go through it so many times, even after Alysha's attitude, character or personality, my mother still entrust Alysha to care for Dina which she bullies Dina daily crying then Dina's mother when back home would be scolding Dina then entire day Dina kept crying again, then my mother would say things like "Dina nangis dari tadi" instead of scolding Alysha for making her cry many times per day, it's really sad, like an evil intruder in the family that my parents adopted, "sebab sayang sangat", then a crazy girl that kept getting away and besar kepale like opening doors without knocking and talking outside my window and room door, I'm so unlucky as a schizophrenic she maybe tried to cause me to suicide as it's too painful to go through, her voices lasts so long until today then nobody like doctors pitied me and still nobody sue her for her attacks. Life is crazy nobody cares, even Law maybe won't do anything to her like punish her, I will tell my counsellor about her then hopefully counsellor help to settle by Law's actions, I don't want Alysha to get away getting university certificate smoothly, my life gone downwards then she must feel the same thing, she's too peaceful like no pain that it's unfair to me, a person that attacks a lot then "living life of her dreams" it's so crazy I need to disturb her dreams from coming true.
I really don't know what to do, nobody cares until now, my mother gave me $26 CDC voucher then I've used $4 with $22 CDC voucher left. It's really a happy feeling having money I hope the happiness carries on like this, it's just too bad that my parents are not around and at Batam, I wonder what they earn or gain if spend $80+ per trip per person, it's really bad like boring life, they spend money like nothing then rather not give me any money. I really don't know how counsellor will help me. Tomorrow is Hari Raya Haji, then I feel that if they do any korban it's better they give me money instead too, it's really sad they feed others but left me dangling for my life happiness, it's like my father gave Alysha $10/day, who knows they actually feed a secret child bully, I imagine, it's really bad my imagination but maybe I have schizophrenia that's why, or I'm the only one in family that thinks that way, they become "no money" I anticipated if I ask for money, it's really sad and no one helping me talk to my parents, I had to try Club Heal my own self, no one handles for me is the sad thing, everyone have no initiative but let me suffer, it's too much to effort own self but they let me experience this in my life, they didn't anticipate I could be in pain hearing voices to keep bugging Alysha to pay the penalty, instead Alysha is on a freedom to achieve her dreams. Life is so unfair to me but people probably just end up "kesian eh Anas", instead of using Law to take actions, if on me, even after winning me they still use Law to take actions on me, to make me go I.M.H, it's really bad and sad but they are really like that, my parents are not helpful at all, I'm treated like a baby stuffed food without their understanding of my wants in life, all I imagine is "even if schizophrenic, they are making me earn and effort for myself" then the imagination aches my heart like they don't support me at all, everyone have their version of "nicer life" but I'm made into a life that others/they wish for instead. It's so bad my life experience, I don't know why my relatives are so stupid to not sue Alysha as well once they know about her, it's really sad like everyone handicap in their brain, wasted too much time in life then I would've gotten penalty money since long time ago if someone use Law, they really gave her too much time and chances. It's really bad luck my life, even Hari Raya Haji I won't forgive her - like she cares.
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