Looks like I'm being left alone for real, no one gonna care if I can study early or not, people just making me wait for next year to see what I will study, I wonder why my life became like this, it's like loss of energy and energetic at the same time, maybe I'm just not a good planner. Doctor said about my mind being a right hand man potential means I know how to handle things, so it still means that I will just survive.
Just now I ate ikan selar kuning kicap 2 with 2 keropok that tastes like prawn, it's really nice and addictive but the ikan are too small. I wonder if my life like the past, I probably will be eating hotdog cheese multiple times with mayo and chilli sauce everytime as my 2nd sister will still be with her ex-husband. My past is really sad to be victim of a broken family and her ex-husband happy with making half-siblings for Dina to make the vision of them(my 2nd sister and ex-husband) getting back together as something impossible, I feel that any of them have ruined the happiness that I used to feel when they were together. It was nice. Then my brother promoted another feeling of being in a broken family by divorce with his ex-wife, then maybe the ex-wife got a new husband or something ruining my vision of a happy loyal family. It makes me sad how they treat a family like nothing important and just follow their vision of happiness, which is usually everyone's own version of story. It's like I am a smoker then I think its okay and still can work but the one that can give me help doesn't want to help a smoker, it's really bias because i am a human too. I want to talk to my counsellor of fixing both my 2nd sister's and brother's life again to match the happiness of other family members, but then they regard like they are in control for the girls to not have sex with other men, time really moving but they don't provide me counsellor just for smoking.
I'm really sad and finding ways to be happy about my 2nd sister with Egyptian husband, he reminds me of Mohamed Salah a Liverpool player that doctor said will have "Muhammad" playing in E.P.L/B.P.L then it's true, year 2026 I saw "Mohamed Salah".
So boring I have no one to fix me, it's because of others' divorce really impacted my heart and mind(doctor said they[my 2nd sister and her ex-husband] scarred my mind), then I guess the already existing scar happens another divorce that's my brother and his ex-wife making the healing of my heart becomes longer. I don't know why I'm impacted by their divorces, I suddenly became like a lazy man to care of Law and became someone irresponsible, I am just fixing myself now like throwing litters properly and doing well in it, I really hope I recover properly. There's no safety bag(airbag) from the impact of their divorce and it really happens they just like let a car accident happens and break their own asset in life suddenly owing or losing a lot of money to repair their car(in this case their life). They risk their profile of perfection in driving(in this case their loyalty) and don't mind about me. I'm just their brother but feel sad of the divorce until now, I think I won't be becoming healthier easily. It really sucks how I imagine me going to go U.S.A for psychology studies, then actually I'm not because I will take O level in Singapore, even if doctor's story that I will take A level in U.S.A, I really still wish and hope life becomes different like taking O level in U.S.A like suddenly a rich person offer me to live on my own, I really want that to happen. I don't like this family imperfection then I'm not strong enough to go away from them all(I can't work and have no money), counsellor if nicer I would have talked of this but I end up writing this instead.
I'm just hoping Dina gets married fast and have a baby so I have another baby to kiss, it's really a boring life like having nothing in life.
I hope by 45 years old I will be strong enough to leave my family, their bad decision(to divorce) in life really ruin my vision and imagination of a nice family bond and strength, and they don't mind about it really hurts me somewhere like doctor saying they scarred my mind. I really just have to wait 7 years to be stronger, hopefully new job application exist in Singapore that I can get jobs easily. God is really cruel to me, so many pain and hardship, then imperfection of family strength, I'm really a lousy-feeling person because of all these. Life truly is not nice even if I pretend everyone made a perfect and correct decision in life.
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