Life's really troublesome like what will happen to me, why I'm reaching 38 yet no signs of happiness, will my anhedonia be gone when I'm 38? With anhedonia judged as "until 31st August" unless doctor change the medicine, how can 38 be my happiest age?
The life of Pokemon Cards still yet to open at shop, the place still locked and there's no cards yet, I wonder when such different feeling in my own neighbourhood will happen, I really am excited about it and cant wait for it to happen too.
Just now I went to shop to buy mayonnaise then it's finished leaving only the $4.50 one, that's so small still, even if looks bigger, I wanted to buy the $2.30 one, I wanted to make scramble eggs then put mayo then eat with bread, in the end I just reach home and cook maggi curry and eat with maggi chilli sauce and 2 eggs in it, one slice of bread with the kuah, then I drank all the kuah until licin. It's still quite satisfying, just now in the morning I ate nasi lemak my brother bought, it's been so long ever since I tasted it then happy to have it today.
Right now I'm planning like Nintendo Switch games on my RG477V but I don't know what games to put, not all is playable though and that's the sad thing, maybe it will take some years to become playable but I hope at least in 2027 or something, then during my O level I can play switch. Haha.
I wonder what's my happiness in 38 years old, nobody is with me like talking to me about it, to make me guess it or guess together, hahaha, as I don't know who reads, maybe some people just don't care about it too, lol. Like syiok sendiri, blogging just place to tell out anger, sadness and happiness, that's all, then everyday I write my blog to get the happy feelings to live because of anhedonia, I just need somewhere that I feel like someone knows so I don't need to handle so much of my life on my own, like expecting a kind of help to happen in my life - not always about money but like talking to doctors if they can give me psychic information again, as this time I take medicine so maybe I can remember, then if I don't take medications doctor told me psychic information then I can't remember until the day itself usually, it's really harsh.
I wonder who felt with me about thinking I will work at Popeyes, I think my friend said that "pandai macam kau takkan kerje Popeyes", because she's the only witness that I score 100% all subjects during N level. It's really sad Alysha destroyed my life achievement and I have to goal for it again during O level, I hope I am not dead like totally demoralized, I feel like I just must try again, even "just passing" O level would actually make me happy.
I have nothing to do daily, my mother started telling to solat again, kinda annoying or burn my heart because of the anger, I've been feeling so angry for a long time, and none of my family members understand that it's something physically hot and uncomfortable pain, they really just continued their way of "caring" and there's no counsellors for me too, making things keeps getting worse in my life, I'm definitely dead meat from June 2026-December 2026, nobody is siding me in life, I have to suffer on my own, if only bnss counsellor created them nicer to me and family members in the past, there won't be bad experiences to become examples of why a counsellor is needed. I'm so unlucky my bnss counsellor was useless.
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