I plan of using the microphone on my future computer since I can't use on my android to karaoke. I wonder if it will really happen or just stories in my head like Alysha had lied before. The past always in memories 1 day, as it appears in voices instead of just "remembering it", it is really weird.
I remembered about my bnss days again that the counsellor didn't help me in my life, why should I feel Club Heal will help me? It's really bad my life journey it's not fun to experience these at all, I hope I become a Wali Allah due to too many bad experiences, but then I think it just don't happen like that, maybe some things really not for me to feel how it feels like to be a Wali Allah.
My difficult life then I can't suicide as Dina's justice from Alysha still haven't happen, I'm the only witness to the physical abuse, then it's bad if she pays nothing to Dina.
I wonder if my life will become better soon, it's 4/6/26 just 4 more days until my next injection - the final one that lead me to the end of a warded life experience, the cause of my 1 year on medication as successful. When I think again, maybe fluoxetine are not enough or doctor didn't give me benztropine causing me to feel the anhedonia winning my life. It's physical(anhedonia) yet they just want me to believe this is okay for almost 1 year as it's for my mental sickness, I have no one to talk to and it's really bad, I feel like I'm reaching insanity 1 day then I don't know what will happen to me.
Doctors as psychic knew my recovery age is 38, I just have to remember his words about it. How come my happiest age is 38 too when I haven't passed my O and A level? I really don't know but that's what doctors said. It's more than 1 doctor so I really hope something happy happens.
I'm on my brother's computer now, I feel like I can use it daily every morning now ever since he work as a pest control person, then Anaqi is not around too maybe he went to his mother's house.
I don't know how I will live well in this imperfect family, I feel like it's dead meat type of care as it's painful and repetitive, it's not a pleasure at all even if my brother had ever given me $200 and $1000 - just something don't feel good in my life, like it's going to be never-ending demands to work. Just now my mother shouted to solat again, then it means the bad days of my life is coming and appearing again, except that I take medications daily now. It's going to be different. I think if Wahdiah is the same, then I'm planning not to marry her at all, I remember she's just like my mother telling me to solat one time ago, I think it's been too long and they don't care about me anyway, I should try to find a life somewhere 1 day when I've fully recovered. The experiences in life these few days doesn't reflect like I will recover soon, it's really bad like another phase to go through of "first time 1 year outside ward on medication", something like that hoping for something nice to happen in life then it didn't happen, my families and relatives are so disappointing, they all gave me nothing except my brother $1000 and $200 - it feels like each member of my relative or family give $20 to become that sum instead, it's just too bad my life have to become like an ingrate.
I think life will not be peaceful as counsellor didn't respond to me, then it means my life will continue to be the same. I really just living my life and will check on jobs again 1 day, hopefully Woodlands C.C can provide jobs if not I'm dead most probably. It feels like everything about Dina will settle by itself one day, like weird her mother didn't regret at all of what happened to her child and she don't really care it seems, if matter about Dina was sued then maybe I got my turn to say/speak like getting money off Alysha, then none of my family members bring them up. They rather I become a poor person anyway I'm turning 40 years old already, too late in life, even my favourite game Natural-Selection, the part 2(NS2 Combats) I didn't have the chance to enjoy it as there's no more players in the game. I'm just dead meat in life maybe I will die in December instead of June.
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