It's really a tough journey, the healing like happening but I really don't know, I almost relapse at that time feeling useless and ruined life all over again, now my head feels better the voices became to be on top and back of my head, I feel really stronger at my front brain, I really hope I will be cured this time.
I wonder if I really will be taking O level, I'm so old for this and I don't want to be stucked at N level, should I just take certificate about computers then continue the diploma course until degree? Just 1 way in life like working about computers?
Just now I woke up about 8a.m and took my medication, then I go down to shop to buy red bull and smoke 1 roll of 2 piece length cigarette. I remember the people that's been cured from schizophrenia, the voices became "at the back of head" first then suddenly cured, I really hope mine is the start of cure.
I really hope by next week I will be okay as club heal maybe settle by this week and I won't be tempt to message club heal again, I feel bad like disturbing them.
I hope doctors make a plan for me to meet back my old friends like primary school or secondary school I really want my life to be back, like contacting people again, or even meeting woodlands friends all over again. People left me as they grow they probably get married already, I'm so old and sad and like pathetic. My brain feels like a harder version like how at first it was soft like sponge then became tough like chicken, I really don't know I hope it's right that I'm recovering by 1 year on medications, hahaha.
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