Day 301 out of ward(349 on medications)

Today I took my medications as usual, at about 7.45a.m, it's cool to not miss medications it gives like an achievement kind of feelings, like a complete life. It's really hard my life journey feeling bored daily, now with RG477V but I haven't fully completely settled the games, I really hope I get to become someone that don't waste money and it means playing my RG477V, I hope I gain friends 1 day to play it together as it's a boring life daily the same.

Today when I woke up I eat medicine, bath, go down to buy redbull and storm king then done, I'm done for the morning daily needs.

Now it's 11th June, I have 8 more days to receive a surprise or none, as it's been so long people may just "forget it" about what they have said to me about giving me money or computer, I really just looking forward for the special day of a lot of ease in my life.

I really hope life becomes more exciting and hope I really will spend my time at Club Heal to gain schizophrenic friendships, it's too boring my healing journey all alone without anyone, it's painful like a torture feeling to have nobody, it's been almost 1 year on medications then nobody gives me anything, it's bad my life experience having nobody most of the time too. Only my mother daily talk to me at living room then that's it.

I'm thinking how I can gain a better life, but it's only if I have laptop or computer first, then maybe I will spend time making website for my w.w.f.g, then most probably I will try a solo walk in the woodlands park to feel the thrill, but I think I would be scared to explore the dark nights all alone too, I remember when I was schizophrenic I walk alone into the park due to hearing voices then nobody pitied me that I experience something like that. They don't care I walk all alone to places and have no friends, they just live their life wanting me to take medicine(which I did now) and that's all. I wonder why it's like that their care as so boring to me.

I'm thinking of my old plans of completing PSP games that I haven't played, then that's all I guess, it will be about living my life "according to plan" 1 day. I wonder if I can do it in my life, it's such a huge struggle just to live on and without a lifestyle that's happy or fixed on something that's like friendships, work, sometimes coffee shop etc. I really have no one with me and people/everyone are fine about it. Don't know why they let me live like an old person always okay to be alone, they are not sad my life is bad.