I remembered about Alysha saying I will be right hand man of Imam Mahdi then I thought it's doctor that said it, she used a male voice when doctor was present and talking to me while I kept losing memories, it's really bad of her to do such thing to me. I wonder how she knows the weakness of schizophrenic maybe her mother she saw schizophrenic before and believe things easily, it's really weird to have this sickness, we can be hating who we love for no reason and reason of lies kind of stories instead, it's so bad luck my life experience and nobody try get me a good life too.
Yesterday the plan to Mr. Uncle was cancelled then it's forwarded to other date because needing everyone to be present, it's really okay to me and I don't mind not going to Mr. Uncle to eat.
Yesterday I dreamt a lot then I don't remember the dreams, I remember it's quite a nice and bad feelings at the same time.
I want to try playing Monster Hunter Freedom Unite today but I kept delaying "later" because I have anhedonia.
I tried messaging a member of club heal "haicha" if there's any game corner, then she replied me they have piano instead, haha, it should be a "no" I guess.
Today is 20th June the final day of waiting for my friends I hope I will be okay about false-promises, it's still a loss of experience and a pain to endure because I believed when I was schizophrenic, it's really bad but the good thing is there's something positive about it like if Epul don't care about me anymore means there's no 200 people flooding to my house "to give me money" and "check for Roslinda", I remembered he said if im staying at Batam house he will still send his friends to send me money to my Batam house, I wonder why he's like that kind of imaginations to a schizophrenic.
It also ease me how I think Sakinah won't be harassed about having so many people of "Black Pirates" to get her number for me, but even if he believe me I don't know if he will make right decisions in life.
I think I'm still recovering state from Alysha's lies then I may still be believing her lies somewhere in my heart, it's disturbing a schizophrenic condition believe lies easily like even the impossible stuff like "Aby sex with my brother", Alysha is so bad as done such a lie even claim as witnessing it, I wish she will be punished but she managed to run away into a peaceful life living in a hostel at University. Doctors didn't chase her for me is the weird part of my life experience. I remember doctor wasn't really always "on time" when I need help, it's just too much I just want to believe he is a psychic.
That's all my writing for today I guess, just 10 more days until it's July, then my injections on 6th July, I just have to endure for it again and again. I also remembered about at hospital nurse demanded me to queue up to eat medicine in the afternoon or night, torturing me but getting away, I think it maybe happens every year the same nurse, she's really bad and just enjoying to torture maybe I think.
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