Feeling like "No fear" instead

It feels like I will get married 1 day, then it used to feel like "I don't think I will be married at all", it really feels like Wahdiah and Shahridah will come back into my life at 39 years old, next year because they can't bear that I feel I am too old and started to pity me finally, it feels real like they will finally pity me and come back. It's weird Alysha didn't try to make them come back to me after her fault of causing the split path in life.

I'm happy if symptom of "fear" don't exist in me as it's symptom of schizophrenia "to be scared of humans", it's really bad like imagine a gangster that our heart or mind actually don't fear, then our manliness like "taken by schizophrenia" to feel the fear.

Anyway I'm satisfied with my console buy as I still try my best to play games for awhile.

I wonder why the feeling is like this, maybe I'm really recovering from schizophrenia? I hope it is really happening at 38 years old and not Alysha that lied that I will recover at 38 years old, maybe happiest age to be 38 is lie of Alysha also? But how she knows the word "right hand man" when she was just so small? It's really weird the lies of Alysha she even knows about sex when she was so small, means she study something somewhere. Maybe her school have a lot of bad kids? Lol.

I feel like abit of peace in my heart and mind finally - 20th June, it feels pleasant even with the voices, there's something like my brain or heart became stronger, I'm happy about it and hope it continues the next day, especially this "no fear feelings" is like the main symptom of schizophrenia gone, I'm happy about it.

It's so easy to remember this date, it's like a 2nd birthday - this peace in my mind and heart, just next day after my birthday, it's something to remember next year 20th June. I feel so light now at night at my head it feels like magic, like I am so strong now. I think recovering at 38 is like a real story now.