I guess can only wait

Wonder if they will psycho the counsellor to side them or will the counsellor understand my feelings, it takes too long to have a counsellor, it was my own try, then there's no contact yet I wonder what will happen, I just have to wait and see how my life will go I guess.

I hope Wahdiah and Shahridah still reads me and email the counsellor too, it's just too much to be ignoring me and waiting for 38 years old, enemies will be happy like I suffer in life, 38 years old will be their sad days then it still carries on, they probably waiting for me to commit suicide before 19th June? I really don't know, I'm so unlucky in life. Always the same sad stories, and also it feels harder to stop smoking now, feel like my heart or body is full of smoke, like I need a better energy to study again but I don't have it. It's just sad me feeling so pathetic about my life.

It's weird how I need to manage things by my own self, saying things first etc. They don't care about me at all, I'm so angry like wanting to sleep the day away, but I can't. Lately my mind feels heavy maybe for too much eating, or drinking cold water, I really don't know, maybe it's too much Ribena too.