It's weird I feel cured even if hearing voices

Due to feeling like cured yesterday I don't feel like writing anymore, writing makes a feeling that's lesser pain every words but then I feel better already, I think I'm healthier health this time, today is 21 June, there's 8 more days to feel the cycle of going to ward been broken, it's really a pleasure countdown kind of thing.

I still hear voices at the fan but it no longer create heart pain to me, I wonder why it's like that, I hope for the recovery to be speedy and then I have a nicer feelings in life. This time I feel like I won't get married again, it's like the relapse almost happened within the first year of taking medication, the feeling suddenly feels like I won't get married, I think I'm too old already and may become desperate to get married, but nobody really cares about me anyway, I loss a lot of pleasure, fun and happiness in life and counsellor decide that not helping me due to smoking as the best decision, then I can't do anything about it too.

I wonder why it's like that, like I feel better yesterday, will I be feeling stronger again today? Will there be like a new person feeling in my life then causing a 3rd day celebration on my birthday? Hahaha, I'm happy I hope the voices like just go away from me, it's like I cannot remember a better way than this? My memories moves to be heard instead of just memory, i think it's the weak mind part of me, the schizophrenia.

I still feel like playing games to stream Live on TikTok, but I don't know what games, I plan to become like schizophrenic: Ming Ming Ming, Zoe Lim, klay.hole, Kitzo, Schizophrenic NYC etc. to be a famous person then 1 day a business that feels like not requiring advertisement. It would be a great feeling in life. There's another streamer "pakai kepala otak" that goes to haunted places all alone with people waiting outside using walkie talkie, she looks like the girl I ever hacked before, the face seems familiar to me, but it's just feature similarities I think, her style isn't the same like the person I hacked in the past. It feels like it's still a nice feeling to become popular in ghost hunting adventures, I think it will happen once I got car license, still quite some time to go, I'm excited of this coming new life. I hope I will really do it and want it to become popular like sfogs.

I think I really have nothing to tell today, I ate instant noodle cheesy spicy chicken with sardine and egg today, I feel quite satisfied. I hope I have more energy to play games, I really don't know if I will have any because I have anhedonia. Yesterday also feels like my anhedonia will recover if I exercise legs lifting(lying down then put legs straight up and down continuously), I really will try my best.