Just trying to live life

With Android I feel like it's a powerful item that it's hard to get then I remembered I loss memory that it's quite a cheap price as fact then I thought doctor have a high technology stuff in his hands, someone like me fascinated by technology just like android, I'm someone that can be made happy easily just by being given technological stuff. I really think I'm a hacker matches this interest of mine, then I don't know why a hacker like me listen to jiwang songs, usually a hacker listens to black/heavy metal but I'm like this instead, it's really weird I live like a normal person, having interest in both Law and Gangsters/Secret Societies at the same time as a hacker, I don't know why its like this maybe it proves I'm not a nerd at all. But really me as top hacker in the world in psychiatrist's ranking, I'm definitely something in secret I thought to myself, like a special key to be spied/eyed from government to be recruited in the government groups, I really don't know why during my schizophrenia I feel that way that I will become working in the government 1 day.

I thought I am smart enough to become a CID, ISD, SSB, CNB too, but maybe physically I'm bad as PES E9L9 I definitely can't become any of it, maybe just an admin in the police force, hahahaha, I'm so weak I remembered about myself like someone that cant think well to perform in any of their jobscope, my intelligence is just too low and I cant become someone good, so it became unbelievable like doctors saying I will become a psychologist, it's really hard to believe, I wish government would employ me secretly like a high paying salary suddenly, something like CSA learning some of their courses to work there or something, drones technology to spy enemies, I really want something that's physically tough then I think it's not achievable as fact, like my 2nd sister can't get to work in bank, maybe my family won't become successful after all. Maybe it's in the bloodline that we can't achieve what we want in life.

I remembered during schizophrenic moments in ward that I take medications, I remembered that I hear voices that my 2nd sister will become a psychic 1 day, then I wonder how such thing will happen too, it's really surprises me and I really hope it happens anyway.

I wonder what to do in my life, why people wait for my birthday before giving me anything, it's really bad waiting time like a kid, instead of just giving me something early before birthday I'm treated like a boy desperate for pleasure, nobody pitied me at all, I wonder why my life having no friends, would I really be okay and healthy in life? I really want something in life, then I can't achieve a lot of things in life, I wonder what would happen to me, people become richer in life but my life is stagnant like not gaining anything in life, it's really bad I can't grow in life.