Kept seeing things

When I don't smoke my vision kept seeing things, it feels like my brain got adjusted to secure something inside, like a twitch happened, I closed my eyes until 11+a.m today due to feeling dull and nothing in life due to not smoking. My imagination of receiving counsellor's help on 24 June didn't happen because I went down to smoke again, it's only $4.30/2 days then I hope counsellor just help me anyway, I really want to study for my O level and I don't have someone guiding me, it's really bad if I don't smoke the energy of doing something like don't exist, I really feel like I may become crazy due to the "seeing things", I really don't know what to do.

Today I only smoke 2 piece paper length 1 roll cigarette hoping I can last this storm king for at least 3 days, I really don't understand why I feel uneasy, my body felt bad when I don't smoke I need to exercise a lot to feel a good body, I think I will be fine like this for a while.

Today my mother cook sambal kerang, it's so nice then she didn't cook rice I have to cook myself, I end up just after 12p.m still haven't eat except from margarine and bread just now, I really don't understand the timing of eating it's just so slow but my mother is the one cooking main food so I don't blame her anything.

Today is Aby's 33rd birthday and she's in school, tomorrow is supposedly the day Aby will meet me at my house but I don't believe the plan will really happen, it was planned during the age of 20+ years old that she would appear when I'm reaching 38 years old, it's just too bad it's a long time ago kind of plan, then it's not really felt like it will really happen.

I'm sad how my mind cant stop smoking but it's 1 of the nicest feeling when I smoke just now felt like dropping due to the niceness, then I didn't fall at all, I just walk straight, I don't know why it's like that my body or any smoker will maybe feel that way.

My RG477V console will always fail when extracting PS2 games but the game is playable so I don't know it's until which part then cant play as it don't extract all, usually at 90% like that it will fail extraction. Maybe all is like that?

I check that God of War: Ghost of Sparta and Part II is not the same, I wonder if I should just play anyway the game just keep having to beat up only like meaningless feelings, I wonder what to do in my life.

I bought Iqra learning and Surah Penting books, then I still havent practice them, I don't know why my energy keeps changing, I want to be helped but then smoking is only a puff thing daily but counsellor so strict about it. I hope that even if I try my best, counsellor still helps me. It's really sad to be doing cold turkey, my mind like going insane from having nothing to do, so used to having a cigarette, it's just bad if no one support me and the best counsellor really won't help. It means until December I won't study for O level? Why it's like that my life journey?