Still nobody accompanied me in my life despite my good taking of medicine everyday, people just don't care as it's considered as a lot of people that does this, it just assume everyone as heartaching me a little bit, it means nobody will side me or support me in my life, my brother giving $1000 only because I almost quarreled with my mother about hearing I would get $10K, Alysha is so bad ruining family relationship like nothing, I'm unlucky my schizophrenia really remembers things the wrong way even if she pretend as voices of others, I will still lost memory or even could be dreaming of the person talking such thing that she said instead making a different voice. It's so bad my recovery is yet to happen, I'm expecting myself to be cured on 29th June, it's already 12th June and it's the same like "voices exist", I wonder when the girls will start to pity me, when they have schizophrenia maybe they will understand that heartache can exist for no reason and "just like that", then it's weird like "takde angin takde ribut" then marah, but actually it's the sentences said by the attacker instead that is replayed into our mind, it's a lot of anger that I have to endure like feeling useless in life too, like a "useless body" that can walk around and still breathing, it's really sad even if I exercise daily, I can't be getting nice health about the voices, I hope I remember things a nicer way rather than "hearing voices" of the expression, etc. it's really heavy, then my schizophrenic neighbours can cope their life with medicine daily, I just have to become the same, but they obviously dont have anhedonia, they are so lucky about the medicine doctors gave them, they have the same diagnosis as me but we are different medicine, it's really weird I really hope I recover much faster, then I'm still wondering why my neighbours haven't recovered yet as I read that schizophrenia recover after 5 years of medications, this is really weird and scary path in life, having to rely on medicine then my mother would say "tak boleh gantung pada ubat" when actually the voices I hear are not my wish, it just happens and she talks easily, then luckily doctor said that she will have schizophrenia then they(my family) will realize, discover or notice that the voices can't be controlled at all, and as long as we remember, we can't shut them up, then it means their advises are bad like "jangan ingat perkare dulu sangat" it only gives heartache because what we remember is not our choice at all. They are really bad at advising and I think counsellors should interfere into my life, but a childish ruling exist like "no smoking first" instead, they are counsellors can cope into whatever attitude but "smoker's attitude" is it really a troublemaker to their life? It's really bad luck and bad decision of counselling rules, even government still gives money to smokers and even gives CDC vouchers to buy food, then money can be saved for cigarette instead, then they set such rules for me for what? It's really bad, my only hope then they broke the doa from coming true by setting such rules. They should at least help me a little bit like making my families change in their way of talking instead of hurting me too much, I became remembering what Alysha said to me instead then it gives me pain, it's like luck for the enemies instead, then sometimes it's Alysha but I would feel like "being scolded by them" instead, schizophrenia hearing voices, like disturbing my "kelelakian", like dignity thing to be calm and "not scared", but to be saying "bullied by Alysha" is crazy when I can beat her up I just didn't and let her continue attacking my life. Law is useless as wait for report or me suing her instead of just interfering and assuring everything will be settled, then they just let me live hearing voices without any penalties from Alysha. Even she escape girls home from bullying of toddlers and Law really let her go because we didn't press charges on her, Law should fix a counsellor for us as we're living as neighbours, then I think Alysha also made me think all neighbours are bad to me like after saying I'm a sacrifice of Islam to become the Dajjal, then none of my neighbour reminded me it's Alysha and let me believe her lies, making me seen like the attacker of my neighbours in my old blog I wrote to myself without publishing on Facebook. I deleted it anyway. It's really bad she even pretended neighbours' decision on me are to make me hear voices behind wall when actually she's the one shouting outside window and my room door(she just enter house without permission due to care of my mother). It means my family really don't know how to care for me even if money is actually easily earned by them, its so crazy nobody is helping me at all until now.
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