Morning

My morning writing too short, hahaha my mind went blank. It's 12th June today I'm so happy of the ending misery feelings as doctor said that age 38 will be my happiest age. I truly hope I will be cured from schizophrenia on 19th June - It's just 10 days before my usual pain in ward on 29th June. Why I have nobody accompanying in my life is due to schizophrenia I kept hearing voices and stories of Alysha that lied all my friends "busted" my life and I as mental illness my mind is weak I began to believe 6 months to 1 year later then I removed all friends from my life, I truly have no supporting friends anymore they don't comfort me anything about my schizophrenic condition, they all seem have experienced doctor telling them stuff making it okay to lose them in life temporarily, but it's still like a permanent since more than 10 years already. I wonder why they don't care of what's happening to me, I hear voices, see things, thought its Dajjal era, etc. then nobody comfort me or remind me, why a schizophrenia mental condition can cause to be in coma if remind too much? I think that's what doctor said, it's really bad then it's something physical condition too then, like an heartache is called a pain in body too, why is it like that? People can die from heart attack means the pain of schizophrenia exist somewhere in body like a physical occurrence to body like become mentally retarded or dead? Why nobody help me like making me feel pleasures in life? Why my efforts to work like too much already for a schizophrenic and I just want pleasures in life?

It's weird people don't pity that I'm schizophrenic they don't treat me better even when I'm feeling sad like having nothing in life, using my brother's computer for example I don't have my own computer, it's really bad my life surviving on sharing on something that can cost less than $1000, but I guess it's my parents way of saving money, I wonder why they save so much money then like why they can't just get me a good or better life than it is. Like example my mother cook rice mixed with jagung taking the taste or flavour of rice into becoming more dusty and not nice, then it's her way of health is like that I wonder why they don't take the entire pleasure from the cooking. The pleasure is loss from the jagung flavour ruining the taste of soup for example, it's really harsh but life is really like that she feels the health way is better this way.

I bought Ooobun anyway to feel better about food then my mother bought a cash box to keep her jewelleries, I remembered last year this happened and I wasted my money due to memory loss I wonder why I wasted money buying such things, last year around June was the moment I finished my entire money feelings then I became poor again, this time June I still have about $400 in total of wallet and bank, I'm still satisfied. I survived this difficult period with CDC Voucher appearing in my life yesterday, means I can buy things like Nutella and Bread and have fun food at home.