I have been taking medications daily and expecting a recovery in at least 1 year of medications, the expected date is 29th June because it will be repeat of memories maybe, then I hope I don't hear voices anymore 29th June onwards, Alysha's voices lasts so long in my life for 1 year, I wonder how long she talked for how many years too, she's really crazy I think she have split personality disorder due to thinking she is Christina, calling her Tina would change her attitude about Muslims I think, she would suddenly feel like she's Jesus like how she wanted me to feel, means she will in the end believe her own lies and become a funny person accidentally 1 day, but her attacks are harsh can cause people to suicide, maybe I am stronger that's why I still live twice(lost Shahridah and Wahdiah), I don't know why she do this to me, all because of catching her liking to bully babies, I'm so unlucky I'm schizophrenic, but if I was not schizophrenic I wouldn't have met Shahridah thinking I have broken up with Wahdiah, it's really harsh, there's like needing other way or solution to this, nobody is piecing me back together with them, they let us split path and our life in a different way, they don't pity us at all about "losing a lover in life", they just let us live already split up for so long. If we are still together, our relationship is crazy like over 10 years without marriage, and I haven't been gaining any money too due to schizophrenia, why nobody pitied me in my life? Why they let me suffer to have no lover in life? Why they risk the chances everyday and I end up just taking my medicine daily? Everyday nobody talks to me about Wahdiah and Shahridah, they just let them go like nothing, like the world have no other men that may molest them or anything, people just let me suffer thinking of my no-marriage life, and Sakinah became a selfish person too like not talking to me, she live on earning great in life. I'm like the worse outcome of my parents/family care as I have $0 out of the years after N.S, almost 20 years people maybe having over $100K but me still $0. It's crazy and my parents really let me live on like this. My only strength is medicine and "matter of time", it's really hard to survive daily and they just let time goes away from my life.
I'm losing time and experiences and they don't think if I will die today, tomorrow or next week, they just let me feeling loss in life, with only birthday celebrations to be happy about, I'm really a boring lifestyle person.
Thinking of Epul reminds me that we ever discussed that I will be known as undercover for Black Pirate Motorbike Group, to biz stuff for him, while he will surrender to police 1 day for drugs, I really don't know why my life is like this, why nobody actually reads my blog except the same bunch of people(that I think - like Epul, doctor, relatives), it's like they want to get me to write secrets then I become dead meat because of it. I really have to wait for tomorrow and 20th June or even end of June if Epul will really appear again in my life with computer, it's really hard to believe but I'm angry people promised me such thing, something that I don't hope for to happen, it makes me excited if it's true and sad if it's meaningless words just to make me feel happy. Maybe as schizophrenic I believe people easily and people can lie to me afterwards, means just make me happy at that time then got my decision about something, then in future they just don't do their promise. I am also reminded of BMC days that my classmate planned to give me money when in 38 years old, but she don't know my birthday, so I don't know when such thing will even happen, I really just end up waiting for a happiness that will happen, it's like everyone knew I will become a poor man and can't work and have no money, but still they will talk and let me anticipate them demanding to work, maybe it's Alysha making me angry, always her voices demanding to work and solat, I really feel she should be threatened to go to jail 1 day in case she's too late in paying up her penalty, it's a Law case as fact because she missed girls home because Dina was a toddler can't say anything and I'm a schizophrenic that my mind was weak to report police I don't even think of such thing. I'm disappointed in Law and my family because not reported her to the Police and it's too late for her to go girls home already, she survived with continuous attacks as she grows up, until Dina have became a bigger size than her then she stopped attacking my life, it's been so many years yet Law didn't send me someone to comfort me and my family didn't find a counsellor for me, their method of care is bad, like needing counselling themselves.
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