Dead meat Life Path

I can't find a good job, it's until December this life I will have just focusing on medications, it's really bad but I have to bear with it, I really hope I remember what doctors said that's good for me, but maybe it's like real that I would be focusing on medications and not work at all, I wonder why being potential and top of something I don't get a government job, maybe government don't need people like me? Why they don't approach and hire?

I will have nothing to do even until August, the excitement is thinking that I will O level next year then I really will be 38 tomorrow, 29th June my expected recovery date, then I read it's about 5 years that patient cured from schizophrenia, then my neighbours still not cured yet, I wonder how long this life journey will be, will I always have no work like this? What will I be doing from September to December then? Why is my life like this like having no goals in life?

I'm just seeing like no growth in myself except a waiting for myself to be 39 and 40 years old to see the changes that will happen to me in my life, why my parents didn't let me feel happy, if I have computer I would have tried a different way to make my console neat, I would be faster to try things but they really let me live without computer for more than 10 years, it's really bad my life experience, I have to become like a beggar's heart somewhere in the feelings that I have in me, it's really sad and like against my wish as a man, I am made to be weaker by people's way of caring me, I'm sad like crazy but fluoxetine makes me a normal feeling, it's like the cause of anger most of the time, like a liar lying as sad.

I don't know what I will be doing, why I will receive $850 government's money instead of having money from 19th June - August 2026? I really becoming a survivor? I hope someone interfere in my life plans and plan something for me, 29th June will be the most suicidal date but then I remember Alysha still haven't paid Dina back anything, it's really bad her treatment like she ever ejek that Dina will beat her up when she grows up(when Dina was a baby), then now when Dina grown up, Dina is bigger size than her, she's still a bigger weakling in my life. I don't know how to cause the break-up of Alysha and her boyfriend, I need to revenge but I can't reach it, it's really bad I just end up waiting for karma to happen, life if rely on karma it will take forever feeling like a lifetime, it's the worse feeling to believe in karma, because she got enough time to enjoy in life anyway, life's bad like she may be tasting McDonald food while me just makanan dalam rumah, a nothing kind of food, then she ever bullied Dina and Dina may be eating only boring food, Alysha should be the one eating boring food instead of us. I really dont know how to sue Alysha, my life as a schizophrenic then made to handle or try things myself, I will check law website 1 day on how to sue if counsellor really waiting for me quit smoking, it's really hard to quit then I really tried my best too, the boredom dull feeling in mind like making me crazy, I really hope I can quit smoking too.