No friends

No one to tell me what games I should play, I'm only thinking of completing metal slug 2-6/7, it's really boring. Why is life like this, to have no friends to talk of games, why is it like this? What am I going to do in life as I have no one to help me about what games I should be playing? I have anhedonia and nobody pitied me, I have ended my continuous smoking habit I try today onwards with a last roll of 2 paper length with redbull, it's definitely the end of cigarette. R.I.P Smoking Habits, I just have to quit, leaving cigarette into lonely life forever until I am made to undercover somewhere then I will smoke again, I really hope I can become a police so I can sue Alysha, it's like childish but she ever bullied my niece anyway, I'm unhappy as long as she appear peaceful, her angry face shows she still dares to attack my life(last I saw her at elevator) then its just my luck like she never learnt her lesson, have to wait for her to grow to have money to payback what she had done. It's like a small boy putting real shit at doors of neighbours but when grow up, the small boy still need to pay something back to neighbour. Alysha is like someone that put shit into my life experiences(a lot of times).

I maybe will try to quit smoking and advertise myself on TikTok so someone read and get me a counsellor, but I don't want a popularity like a stupid laughing stock, it's scary to do it, I just have to think many times about it, I feel like doing RG477V stream then put "need a free counsellor to help my family with giving me money so I can buy stuff, I have schizophrenia and I'm mentally weak, I dont know but I know have flaw in their care" something like that. It should have changed during bnss counselling, but the counsellor never did anything but sided my parents instead, it's the most useless counsellor experience like can make us feel paranoid or scared to approach other counsellors "if will experience the same".

I grow up having Dina my niece as my life journey with schizophrenia, then seeing after Alysha's bullies, she get scolded by my mother(her grandmother) and her mother to cry some more made me angry of their way of caring, as I see the flaw. If bnss counsellor were nicer to me, maybe I would have managed to make them nicer to Dina, after crying from physical pain by Alysha, she cry from pain of heart(scolded by both her grandmother and mother), it's really a pity, the flaw in my father also exist like he give Alysha $10/day - if bnss counsellor had brains at that time and were more understanding, money shouldn't be a problem to help me get myself a laptop at home, it's been so many years ago and my life still suffer due to bnss counsellor, my parents don't reach a new understanding of "way of caring". I feel stupid by them when they command or demand something for me to do like Solat and Work, they don't pity I have schizophrenia is the weird part of my life. I just have to post this quickly before my next writing in hope that a counsellor reads and help me more as "I have explained more", sadly I need to explain instead of being believed, due to lousy bnss counsellor, I suffer at home with their way of caring for more than 20 years. Schizophrenia makes body feels hot anyway from anger and sadness etc. it's painful feeling then I think counsellor must settle this a.s.a.p before I reach duration of days "of quitting cigarette". I hope a counsellor helps me, or a police negotiator treat it like a family crime to be nicer to me, I just feel they can help ease my life if choose to side me. I'm so unlucky.