I don't understand why it's like this, I hear voices of the past conversation then it's not ending, some people just got lucky in life, I'm just unlucky I can't gain strength from other's attacks like making up my own room with computer etc., still poor as ever really weird for me, it's really crazy my life like this.
The thought of recovery was pleasant at that time in I.M.H, I thought I would become a good writer of my daily life, then a good story of my daily life, then it's boring instead, I became like a dumb brain like someone just spying on me or making up the numbers on the readers, it's just my luck, my previous post have 18 readers, then before it is 21 for 2 times. But my life is like a no reader at all, nobody talks about anything except read me like a stalker.
In the end it's the same thing, money will keep thinking of suicide, then justice for ownself makes thinking of don't suicide, as still got money to enjoy 1 day, I hope. It's a little crazy everyone let the days passed like I never felt pain, or their pain was actually nothing. It's like nothing to settle in my life, like everything been settled, like thinking "when will the voices ends", then actually it kept on not ending yet, I'm so unlucky in life.
Thinking of counsellor only made me hear voices of my past days in school, like the loudspeaker for announcement was on during counselling, I wonder what happened during counselling, I think after that I was sent to I.M.H, it's really bad like no one helping me, then somehow I quit school after that. Life became lighter then at 16 I go A.V.I and 17 to B.M.C, I feel really old at that time then I have to keep growing in my education anyway, I thought I will take O level when I don't have schizophrenia anymore, then in the end in at the last year "before taking O level", then the days of my life are only spent like this, blogging, trying games, watching TikTok and Facebook, buying stuff online, it's just sad my life, like I don't have support of anyone, just to think that government is helping due to the money being given every year, then it's just a delusion, maybe to keep my brain feeling that "only government helps". My life are made to be boring everyday.
There's no nice feelings to feel, like imagination of seriously bad life to experience in future is currently what's in my mind, it's like families or relatives are enemies of each other, then I hear the voices saying the same thing I wrote, then it's maybe Alysha's voice trying to corrupt my mind at that time, I'm so unlucky, but she believe her own lie, means she believe my family are Jews, it's just too bad for me, a crazy/schizophrenic girl that feels not guilty after attacking my life. Don't know when she will suffer from schizophrenia, she just loss her memory after her every attack, it's just too bad for me seeing someone not feeling guilty at all, suddenly she just have a life again, and I became no life thinking why my families and relatives let me suffer instead of suing her then I get money to be stronger in life, maybe nobody siding me after all, they just rather I be a poor man, feeling in pain in silence like the past.
As I grow to become more pathetic, I feel I will go nowhere in life in future, my future is bad like my life been taking me into bad experiences, even daily taking medications I can suddenly feel sad or depressed and angry, I can't do anything about it, fluoxetine/prozac the medicine for depression still maybe keeps me happier. There's like a hard feelings in my heart and brain, then I don't know what it is, I just don't feel good and that's all my life.
I see that there's no way since almost 1 year nobody tell me they read me, means I'm not finding out forever.
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