Re-energizing way?

Almost 1 year like an attention seeker nobody helps my life and I kept being attracted to buy items. The microphone didn't work and I bought it wasted my money like $7+ but it's okay I guess. I don't know what to do in life daily it's boring, today I restrict myself from smoking even after I feel that it's time to smoke, I want to drag into lesser cigarettes per day maybe, to last $4.30 for 3 days maybe?

I wonder what people do daily, my heart feels hardened and my mind too, really don't know why, it's like something compacted inside it. I feel like Club Heal won't be responding to me anymore, like suddenly the feelings of an end just died off, it's really bad having no counsellor, I need ease in my life as it's too boring, reminds me of my daily activity inside ward just walking around and sitting and lying down and worry of bed being gone, it's really bad no one cares about me they all willing to let me go through the ward treatment so many times in my life they dont pity me at all and only visit me once a week, life is boring like this, really don't know why no one helped me.

The motive of blog meant for recovery information and Sakinah etc. didn't happen like that, it became really what a blog meant instead. It's a pity how I experience repeated buying of items, but then luckily I have money, there's really no easy way for money but work.

I really feel like self-damaging my life because it's too boring, I think I've been day dreaming too much. This path is like the craziest feeling ever and I have to endure it.