waiting...

It's boring, I on my steampowered then I can play games like Natural-Selection 2 that I wanted to play ever since I was a teenager but then the space on this laptop is small and finishing, I really haven't tried the game yet, like in no luck to be able to play the game. I hope 19th June really my friend gift me a computer, I really would end up playing Natural-Selection 2 etc. It's really boring my life always the same thing, I just need to be energetic again on wanting to study then I will feel like I'm fine. Next year there's no O level but doctor said I will score all distinction, it means he lied maybe, and maybe next year I will take computer course instead of the new exam.

I have to endure like a lot to be able to have a computer in my life again, this laptop the space are not enough causing me unable to play games that I want.

My life daily waiting for pleasure and happiness, smoking is the only calmness in my life then nobody cares that I have a boring life daily, they treat my daily activity as something okay instead, it's a boring experience in life then nobody bothered to ask me what I want to do in life. It's really sad like I have no achievement in life then I feel like giving up on the girls because they didn't effort, I also feel like it's impossible to get Sakinah as fact, don't know why she just being nice most probably. I really don't know my luck on her, even if I want to stop believing doctor, I remember that doctor ever said there will be no more N and O level one day in the education system of Singapore, then he is right about it, how can I not believe doctor easily then?

Should I just apply for S.A.F right now then see how my life goes? I'm really suffering in life like jobless then nobody tries to cheer me up, everyday reminds me of the day I'm in ward now, it's so boring as the time moves slowly then just waiting for the next day everyday.

Doctors didn't give me any schizophrenics to chat with, even the meetup.com don't have a schizophrenia group, it's really boring my life journey. I feel like trying Club Heal recovery program but I don't know, will I find new friends? Will they be taking medicine or be sick suddenly then loss the memories of our conversation? It feels like I'm the only one taking medicine daily maybe hahaha.

Recovery Wellness Programme

I really don't know what to do, will the people there be like handicapped in their mind or not? Will everyone be healthy? It's so boring my life, what can I gain or achieve in life if go to their programme? It's really boring life, I just want to earn money only, maybe I should just look for jobs at newspaper. Life is so hard for me, I feel like giving up and there's no encouragement to not give up on the girls, people don't care what I love and just want me to take medicine as their goal, they really don't care but common sense like wanting me to be able to work independently, then the relapse if happens? It almost happens few days ago, luckily I didn't work then?