So boring

It's the same word over and over again, there's no creativity as fact in my post, I have no pets to write about, I have nothing, my hobby can't be done due to anhedonia and it's the same sadness over and over again.

I wonder what will happen on 17th - 20th June, will Aby really appear in my life? Will Wahdiah really appear in my life? It's finally the end and the moment of finding out if anyone would appear again, it's so dull and boring, I have no one. Waiting for 19th June is like crawling to Causeway Point from my house maybe, the feeling like that, it's so long. My mother active on TikTok like she comment on my video, haha.

I feel like I will die without help of anyone, I worry the suicidal feelings just come back but I take medicine daily so it shouldn't come back. I remember Dr only need to give me one clozapine I think medicine name to cause me suddenly loss of feeling to suicide, it's really a cool medicine, it works like magic, I wonder how a medicine can change our hearts, can any pills make Sakinah fall in love with me?

My brother and nephew went to my 2nd sister's house to store the fish they caught in her refrigerator, it's too big, I call it Giant Siakap, haha I made up the name myself, I wonder what will be cooked, will it really be 3 rasa? Hahaha.

I think I'm just going to feel like starving myself from the crave of cigarettes, I have finished my last roll with little tobaccos left I threw them away, it's really bad the feelings sometimes, but in the morning it was/is great pleasure to have a smoke, it's always like that.

Soon it's going to be July, haha just in 2 weeks+, then 6th July will be my injection again, hahahahahah I'm so happy how I'm ending the cycle of going to ward every year, some year I go to ward more than once even, hahaha. I hope I will be cured. I don't know if the happiness is limited due to fluoxetine, I am supposed to be happier I think, it's like the medicine paliperidone and fluoxetine both had limited my happiness level.