Tick Tock 38 Years Old.

I wonder what to do on my birthday, maybe my mother would bring to Mr. Uncle for food, my recovery age like nothing special, I don't know if I will grow to become a better man too by 39 years old, next year is a special year of studies, I really don't know what will happen to me, maybe I won't study anything early this year, maybe August, September, October, November, December I really won't be studying anything? What's my life becoming.

I have split up from my friends for so long, none of them visit me in case I remember bad stuff about Alysha, 38 years old is the only safe age? They all heed doctors' suggestion or just forgotten me? I hope some of them email Club Heal so I receive a counselling help, I just want a peaceful life thats all and it's so hard to achieve.

It's really loss of peace everytime I started writing again, I just feel uneasy in my heart then I worried of the boring days feelings at ward to happen again, I remember looking at the clock thinking "it's impossible they would be so bad to put me in ward for 1mths+, maybe it's just some minutes every hour", I thought I was on sleep gas many times then woke up from meth, then sleep gas, as they change the digital clock during the time of sleepgas, even medicine made me still feeling different in life, it's so hard my life journey.

If Club Heal is the best path, why am I feeling like I have a lot of accidents due to being against their ruling of "no smoking", cant someone get me someone to talk to my parents for a lighter life experience? It's boring dull daily and always the same. I really feel it's hard to survive this way, I need something to do in life.