Weird experiences

Today I smoke so little but wrote a lot, it's weird to me I think, most of the time I managed like 12 hours without cigarette and I'm fine, it's just only a matter of time to quit smoking, it's really bad I don't want to risk my life of losing a counselor's moment, then become nobody helping me instead, I don't know but I still can think even if I smoke, it's really bad like I don't know how long this will be, I don't even know when I will start studying for my O level, I have no support and encouragement at all. I'm sad I have to be myself planning, remembering like N level days I pass 100% by myself and didn't tell anyone then no gifts anything, because it's not the main N level last exam anyway, life's really hard then I want to achieve big in life too, I don't know who will accompany me in life to make me grow in life, I just need to be stronger. Condition of my health like PES E9L9 I can't even work storeman in N.S, how can I easily get a job, my 2nd sister and father probably will offer me like warehouse assistant, then I probably can become mentally ill again from their mouth, I remembered about both telling me to work warehouse assistant before, it's really harsh but no one helps me.

They are not sensitive or following government's way anyway, government still support by giving money even if smoke, but they want us to follow Law but never support like Law support the people of Singapore. It's really crazy, I have no one backing me at all.