Boredom Days

Thinking what I should do tomorrow, it's another drag of hours to go through, I walked a lot like a kind of walking exercise which pains my legs but I'm okay about it. I'm supposed to feel sleepy but I'm not, it's planned like that.

I'm in abit of excitement if I school again, it's O Level and I've been schizophrenic so long and finally resuming my life again? Will I really take my O Level? Like a slowpoke at this age but schizophrenia as reason people if know what it means will understand I'm not slow at all.

I feel like telling my Father tomorrow that I want to go back to school for O Level, at this age? I remember during my N Level someone was 30 years old I think it's still okay. 38 years old to take O Level is definitely surprising. Will I do it?! I guess I will ask my Father tomorrow about this, when he's gone to work.

I have a wish to become like American Soldier kind of Life or Live in America, I definitely want to be successful in Education, I definitely will study hard this time taking medications I definitely hope I will do well if I take the O Level. I hope I can become a Psychologist if I do this journey. I don't know why I can't work healthily like my Father or Brother, Education is the best way to keep receiving money. I definitely want to survive like living life by going outside instead of always at home like during my Schizophrenic Days, Study is a nice reason to go out.

Schizophrenia is like disability to work and learn, unless take medications I think, then in the past other than experimenting if others knows I take medications, it's believing like only insane take medications causing me not to take them. I maybe regretting it now as life passes by but if I didn't do it I wouldn't know how it felt like, "why?" I wonder "people let me feel the pain and want me to take medications instead", that I thought was causing the pain due to memory loss at that moment of believing the cause of pain, my mind wasn't right, medication actually causes a lesser anger or anger becomes painless, I definitely will take medications this time I don't want to regret anymore.

I was having ideas of what to do on my bicycle every night then I forgot, it's about wearing hoodie then go out at night, maybe it's to learn O Level before Year 2026? Means to go Library a lot of times. Maybe if O Level have subject like Social Studies and History, to read them like Story Books Even? I definitely will do such things? There's no other reason, if year 2026 the year I'm becoming 38 years old, to go out at night, I already have School means I can't go out at night. If "A lot" means it's maybe "I go out a lot at 37 years old year 2025 at night" until my Doctor goes fishing with me around December before School Starts Next Year? Means I've been learning O Level secretly before School Starts? I hope I will do such things and become a clearer and smarter mind at start of school, I definitely want to do well if I go back to School.

I wrote these because I want to remember my plans, I forgot just now then somehow remember maybe the Brain Brilliance saved my memory from forgetting it? Or it's just I am recovering as schizophrenia is actually a lot of memory loss.

My 1st Sister Idea of Celebration at Everyone's Birthday, then nobody continued the idea she gave, means people disagreed or not? It's a Family Chat, I really hope family bond happens, it's a really nice idea to be doing for Family. It's a kind of Fun to have memories like we used to go Holiday together then suddenly all grown up and me Schizophrenic, we can't do that anymore.

Anyway I truly want a Vacation to those country I've written before especially America, America makes me feel like a psychic exist in it that can cause love-type of happiness into my life by psychic, I really want a Happiness About Relationship and Marriage, I'm so lonely. Wanting to live there as family because I think the chances of decreasing of happiness at there will be lower, I want my life to be happier. I hope I will get a job able to afford such things for my family. $50K Savings maybe means I won't be out of Singapore before 41 years old? I will take A Level After O Level? It's really about leaving the country permanently and live a happier life in a happier country feeling ambitious American Soldier at the same time. I want to earn a lot like an American Soldier if I can.