Capability Stuff

I need the energy of normal life, like wanting to be a soldier, how will I get the normal health needed? Will 1 day it will be world war in other countries then suddenly application to become soldiers happened? I really hope they visit around houses and ask if want to be soldiers. I'd be interested right away. I tried exercising daily now, to be capable soldiers strength maybe, I just want to become Fit or Gold in Fitness like I used to when I was primary school. When will I Jog? My legs from too much walking keeps me away from Jogging but I think it's a cover for burning fats too, walking is fine, I wonder what I should do. I felt like buying the Treadmill before, it costs only $200 for the walking one. I really want to be a soldier.

I'm still a bit sad how my N Level score worsen because of being warded but I kept losing memory anyway at that time, I used to score high and hope I get to do my O Level and be a normal health man. It feels like something great will happen next year but I wonder what too, a nice feeling that will occur. I hope to get to buy a house something like that, I want to feel what people have felt before that's around my age, I really hope Jobclub gives me a job that's easy to earn too. If I become a Soldier, what rank will I be? What kind of training I have to go through at this age? I really just want a Stable and Manly Job. Can I become something Technological Jobscope in Armies? I wonder when I can prove I can hack, maybe I'll become a Captain rank straight away because of my Capability in Computers?

I wonder what I should do, the time to wait for C.C Jobs have Jobclub in my life schedule, why they didn't just make me wait for Jobclub? I really want a normal health kind of life experience, I can't work normally for so long. If I become a Soldier maybe I would be Relaxing and Manly person. I really want to be Cool.

I kept thinking of normal life that is hard to grasp with schizophrenia, I have 10 more days until I.M.H Research for my $50, I definitely must survive, I wasted money alot of times maybe that I must somehow regret because of Schizophrenia, made to spend thinking I will have a lot more. Schizophrenia is such a bad sickness. I just do things without thinking well when Schizophrenic. It's 4 more days until Jobclub, I hope everything goes well. I'm at 65th Day out of ward On Medications Myself, happy that I still take medications perfectly.

I'm thinking of my 38 Years Old, if I school, I will end up using laptop alot and hang outside to study? Or in library? O level is a serious certification. I just must do well, who will remind me about doing it? Now is only October but the BMC Website is down, usually they take people in October? Will it be a last minute registration? O level will create the end of feeling stupid. I want to feel smart too.

I don't know when's the end of this dull feeling, it's maybe the spike, but I think if as a soldier it's okay to smoke as have extra weapon(the fire) to use, a fired cig. It's time for life to be someone different, I'm going to exercise now.