The only path to health about money is just recovery first or jobs that doctors decide for us I think. I wonder what's a nicer feeling for the recovery, people have seen me not taking medications and maybe got tired of telling me to take not knowing I take medications for a higher health this time, it gets boring like nothing to talk about.
People should ask like why I haven't been working properly for 15+years but they knew the answer is didn't take medication but I take now why it's not exciting news for them?
Why they don't remind me what I wrote like "take medication = permanent cure", like a poster must exist of my energy to take medications. The only health path for schizophrenia is taking medications. Like nobody pity me anything in my life. It's meant to be this way this life?
I want to write like Fluoxetine/Risperidone/Haloperidol are the only Cure for My Schizophrenia, to believe about it afterwards, I truly want a shortcut to recover. The Injection Name Is Propranolol, then I heard it's "Haloperidol"? Means My Body Can Hold Haloperidol without the feeling of Akathasia/Akathisia or Restless Legs Syndrome, because of Fluoxetine? The medication becomes more expensive, my day of injection was $260.87. The first time seeing doctor from outside ward was $300+ with getting Fluoxetine Medications. I hope they change into a cheaper medication. My life they have created me to imagine $300/mth means it's like $3000/year for my medical matter? Why do I suffer such a sickness? How my father can work and fit at his age while me still weak? Then I want to be a soldier? I really hope can become a stronger man, my exercise daily have been added push-ups into my plan.
My nephew let go of his Pet Iguana because nothing to feed I think, or difficult to get the food. He still only have spiders left.
I'm unhappy how I can be unhealthy not like other people, they are peaceful minded while me thinking of Islam for peace, zikir still don't create peace from Schizophrenia, while others read as zikir will create people peaceful, hard to believe. I really want to understand what peacefulness is. Should I just force myself to Solat tomorrow morning, I wonder like this, will I become easier to Sleep because of Solat? I remember I became a very sleepy person when I Solat last time. I think I will think again of what to do.
Now I'm on my bed writing this using my Android, trying for calmness after exercise. Maybe cig. create to write while if I don't write I would be relaxing around in my room, sofa and walking around in living room? Why is my life like that, just waiting for Jobclub, then if too early or sleepy or overshot of sleep from working hour? Will that happen to me? School is the best decision from these worries. It's better I go back to school again. But how will I gain friends, they will be young age, I definitely will have no friends again, just focusing on learning the subjects and go home, they maybe mostly are teenagers. Will I even go take my O Level? Will Jobclub give me a stable job even if doctor say it's nothing stable? My life is like hell again, I think for a stable job require a higher certificate then, I need to score high as it's like my family don't know I'm a high scorer or they just tired I didn't take my medications lazy to speak about it. Definitely the only peace and happiness is going back to school? I would know my standard from there onwards?
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