If I remember at 39 I would be driving a small lorry for ghost hunting adventures, means I would have license by next year, as if lorry maybe require 1 year to be able to drive after passing car license? I hope he remembers if he said so, I don't remember.
It's hard thinking of (S), (W), (A) like what life is going to happen, some names maybe I shouldn't write?
I wonder what is going to happen it's closing to November it's like Soldier Topic will not start yet until December itself, the advertisement on Soldier got me excited thinking it has started. I wonder what will happen to country at that time suddenly wanting soldiers, I definitely want to be in it.
Is it over-thinking causing me like this, to keep writing?
I don't like if I'm so energized and happy then suddenly have to be warded into i.m.h, will I even do my license if it's like this? I definitely will keep taking medications to not be warded at all.
I know it's the spike in the way of recovery, but life just have to be nicer like this, I don't know why like "smoking not the cause I don't meet my soulmate", I remember 1 time I have quit smoking for more than 5 years even? Why is life like this?
I can't be happy enough with "Ya Jabbar, Wajburni" as zikir, I tried Istighfar a lot too as it's said as meant for "Ketenangan Hidup", I just have to believe recitations that don't work is just due to Schizophrenia, or it's maybe I havent know how to read Arabic yet? It's definitely schizophrenia.
If keto-diet works for someone with schizophrenia, why can't I do that too? It's decreases weight like nice too, I want to be lighter weight again, my last weight check just now is 64.9kg, I was 50kg 47kg during n.s now I've grown so fat. It's maybe the medication as true thing? My height is 174cm. I really read medication causes increase of weight I wonder if true. I really don't like being heavy and hope searches for faster recovery leads to keto-diet too then I decrease weight, I don't believe it's only matter of waiting daily eating medication to recover, there's a better way secretly like doctor won't tell it? If not it's "quantity of days = recover", I hope I really know other ideas too. Will doctors help me about this? What does colouring help in recovery, or pasting stuff on paper to create art? Those theories make me think doctors have something else that if I want to try to recover faster, to do it.
I really want to try recovering faster, doctor really knew my life decisions it seems like knowing my blog name in the past, cant doctor help me in a nicer way like just telling me information of future so that I can recover? If it's the spike causing this, it's definitely long to recover?
My life boredom drags from morning until night time, I write to lose the bored feelings, I hope I recover daily too, what kind of exercise maybe to do to recover?
Its hard thinking life without my soulmate, people get theirs at 20+ years old. I'm so old now like requiring to be psychic or Wali Allah to get my soulmate if not they won't know they're my soulmate, why is that?
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