Is schizophrenia really like "the other world", the memory loss is a lot and it comes back with a feeling heavy in heart like thinking of Sakinah in M.R.T? Why do I experience this in life?
I really hope tomorrow is the day they talk about Soldiers then it's the end for me or I have to wait 1 month as it's at least going to be December, then it's the end that I got Stable Job finally. The application definitely will be successful as they just looking for people and not following the criteria of Diploma to become a Soldier.
Why it really feels like projected videos is because of phone number psychic knew first what I'm going to use at something I get at random choice, my happiness increases about the Data I got again, is it pleasure of spike or really the Data? Why psychic knew first? Does this mean I'm in an Era I will really meet Imam Mahdi? It's finally the end that Muslims will all gather and I get to meet my Soulmate at that "old"(imagine long time to go) age? I really don't know how to get my Soulmate is why.
It's like this moment last year I kept taking medications late then my memory is like a dream instead, because if have split-memory(mind like 2 different harddisk connection) 1 is taking medication 1 is not, then maybe this dreamy feeling is "taken medication late" so it's like half of taking and not at the same time.
I really don't know if there's a way to recover schizophrenia, the love is weird how difficulty of money is let be, to check if I can work could be the reason? I also don't know why this happens to me that they would maybe be angry secretly that I don't work for so long. If they believe of recitations of selawat then why they worry if I become "unable to work"?
What about insurance why there's no such thing like $400-$500/month because of schizophrenia I can't work?
I think I ever msg CDC saying I schizophrenia for money too during my schizophrenic moments, and other help-points, I think it's M.S.F something like that I don't know if correct, let me check, yea I'm right it's M.S.F, why does this happen to me?
CDC have a new Job Search way is tempting to do it too, I feel heavy it's maybe because of my weight I need to go back down to 50kg or 60kg? The laziness maybe happens then it disrupt my estimation like: I can't work because of schizophrenia then it's added laziness into me?
Why am I feeling like projected videos to foetus in tummy is okay to others they don't talk about it to confirm with me harder or stronger? It's common sense like genius knows Algebra since primary age means maybe I really know Algebra since Baby Age too.
I really in a different world kind of feelings isn't it spike or requiring some kind of awareness that I'm in reality and really loss my soulmate for 17 years and more?
It felt like I'm in a gangster family imagination then someone wearing face of my parents to imagine them as different attitude, is this really schizophrenia when I'm on medication? Does someone ask doctor for me and really nothing to tell me?
I remember story of Wali Allah that if I become a Gangster I won't marry (W) as she don't want to marry a Gangster, so I definitely won't become a Gangster as decision, it's easy like recitation if wanting to become a gangster I should softly bang table at Coffee Shop then Wali Allah says I would become a Gangster.
Will I have any psychic, police like C.I.D in my family? Aqmar my Nephew scores 7A and 5B in His School, he's so smart. It makes me wanting to take O-Level at year 2027 as next year is planned for Car Driving License, Mandarin Speaking and Arabic Reading, I have all the 1 year and then If there's no Jobclub it actually feels lighter or is it really my weight growth from Medication?
Is it nobody talks to me or tell me anything from Doctor is because wanting me to write to tell more of what I feel like in this world?
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