Not going breakfast Friday

Today I'm not going breakfast with my parents, I have eaten Sardine with Rice early morning around 8a.m.

I just watched Karate Basic Movements to think of Martial Arts to do during my Free Time the only thing left is Martial Art to spend my time on. It's like Boxing To Go Training at least life have exercises. I don't know what to spend my time on and I can't sleep Morning until Afternoon, my life I have nothing to do, then I can't Solat it's just something discomforting to do, like I have irritability something like that about Schizophrenia.

I've planned December to buy Fishing Rod and Cheap Laptop and see my luck about life. It's still October and not even November yet. Time flies like I will become an old man really fast, then I have not achieved anything big in life during my growing up from N.S Days, it's like my life been ruined by Schizophrenia.

Why is time against me? Like I have no time left, because I'm 37 years old. Life should've been about marriage and have children while I'm stuck because of Schizophrenia. I don't know how I will get a Stable Job because I will rely on Jobclub for Jobs 1 day, it should've been just like that, Medication then Focus On Jobclub alone, but I went to work before, like rushes.

I don't know how I will get to learn Martial Art 1 day, I'm too old already and yet to know any Martial Art. Silat been my interest then my age? It's definitely like Shameful or Like a Retarded Person appeared if want to learn Silat at their Places, it must be personal then it's not like Too Old Age Appeared to Learn Silat.

I wonder if I can be strong in life, I'm actually free but just have Jobclub to wait on, then daily morning medications, I'm thinking where the rush in my heart is from, I can't know. It's daily boredom thing maybe causing it?

Thinking of Exercise or Copy Martial Art Moves From YouTube and train, I check for Silat Basic Moves but did not appear, I wonder why I became like this, like someone just admiring stuff and planning to train by copying, I really have no life.

When I think again, I have schizophrenia then I grow up repetitive memory loss and suddenly 37 years old, means I have no life and Allah Created Me just to lose my life? When I play M.L it doesn't feel like a gaming life, it's different kind of pleasure. Anhedonia created me loss of interest to play games, then I wonder if Anhedonia is from the Medications? I can't do my daily gaming interest.

I'm thinking if I'm O Level next year I still will just go school and go back on time, if it's part time it's different timing and days? I wonder if I will register myself and school part time.