Thinking far

I was thinking far when I wanted to take O Level at this age, I know somehow I believed I will succeed in my O Level, I really wanted to have a different life, my life is nothing in this country, like what jobs would I do, N Level jobs don't even require the certificate, even $13/hr jobs don't require certificates, what should I do in my life other than education? I can't do anything else, I need the confidence of a normal person, to talk to others, to talk like a customer service for a normal job?

When will my heartbeat be fine? I imagine the difficulty of O Level or it's the cig.? I don't know why it feels like not needing to take O Level at the same time, it's like ability to hack computer by own initiative and key alphabets on hacked computer is a master degree? Means if I can have capability of a Master Degree, somewhere have scores of my "O and A Level"? Hahaha. I really want Doctor to talk of this. Heard in dream-or-reality I'm the Top Hacker that nobody knows who except psychic, means I'm in a topic somewhere, I hack the most in country. My dream or reality is like that it's such an energy-maker that I am a degree standard person.

I really want my O and A Level or degree in life, a dream can't be from getting N Level as enough, I have to achieve more? But my hacking capability doesn't it means I have a standard already and can achieve my dream in cyber security? What will I work in U.S.A if I can live there? I want to be able to drive too. I would want children too and be married but if I can go U.S.A, I don't mind if I don't get married, because it's another country.

The actual life of waiting as enough, I'm in a rush "of O Level" to take, jobs, schedules, like I have no time. It's maybe the spiked feelings appearing to rush me. The wait from morning until night daily is very long, I wonder how to survive it maybe by just walking around in house? Tomorrow is Friday, means it's actually felt as quite fast the life. I hope I have a dream that I can crack on my own of what it means, it's like wanting superpower everytime I fall asleep wanting a nice dream that the definition is nice outcome in reality.

I hope I can do it, to do O Level next year or 39 years old, I really want to upgrade myself, somehow I must do this, it's only 1 year to go through, then 2 years to include A Level, just if I get my master degree from hacking, why do I actually need to do O and A Level? Why can't I get comforting level of information of medicine like Xanax as it's addictive means it's a peacemaker? Isn't it the end of wishing for peace, should I tell my restlessness to doctor?