I don't know if my family actually reads, I know the going to Kampung is to read this if I remember correctly, something wrong with my memory maybe due to medicine, then repeats like last year, then last year I skip medicine so I can't remember clearly.
I think if like a vote of soulmate going to happen I think I should be able to at least contact my soulmate, hahaha. Why is the strictness because "baby will be sick everytime", then me at this age cant have a baby yet is weird, cig. is really that strong to do this kind of things?
I can't imagine myself having a baby so soon or too late either, this age is too old already, cant be that I will have a baby at 40 years old? The stress about not having keturunan(lineage) exist, I really want to have childrens too, then I don't have any Soulmate contact or any friends I just in my house listening to my surrounding and only talk to my mother, I really have no strength in life like the happiness of using data is like a blindly-using at places just to feel happy and wealthy(the Simba really made me feel rich) about Phone Matters.
Me in the dark for 17 years then only been using phone for considered as 2 years maybe, my activeness in way not schizophrenic been only awhile, and really don't have to reply to me it's about other kind of readers - like n.s mate epul to message me about his thinking of penalty money for the black magic. I wonder what happened to me in n.s and they let me n.s during my schizophrenic moments is still surprising because I felt "let be in public" to occur weird behaviours, maybe it's the cause of thinking of black magic.
I don't believe he black magic me anyway. It's weird and a lot of stories I don't like to remember, information statement like "receiving money" in memory then living a difficult life? What am I waiting for in life? It also includes "if never take back barang it's like $600/mth"(barang is the black magic), why do I have to hear someone giving me money "in future at 38 years old"(18 June 2026 as my birthday is 19 June, it's just before birthday is the plan). I live in waiting for years thinking of money that may flow to me? Then if Wali Allah claim it's real that there's really a lot of money coming to me? How can I not be energized or happy Abit at the same time unhappy because unsure if receiving money? Neighbours don't have to reply me I think.
I'm thinking if I loss memory means my schizophrenic behaviour was in public before then why they let it be when I don't take medications, it's really not in my memory strongly, it's like a dream and mixture of those days I take medications late, it's also like I actually ever talk to neighbours before that's harmonious or comfortable type of talk.
When I think of neighbour, I think of Innova Junior College then thought of (S) just now, I imagine if my neighbour are classmate with her I remember when I was B.M.C Looks like Neighbour is Innova J.C, I still hopeful I can get (S) before any psychic knowledge becomes clearer how late I can get my True Soulmate, can't psychic be wrong about how late I get my soulmate and get faster my own ways? Then if I want psychic to be wrong, I want them right about me becoming a soldier, I really want to be a stable man.
I remember my blog was called as bottles-uncapped due to expression like "I bottle up my feelings", means I plan not to hide anger etc. it's really difficult this time, at this age then I don't receive money from my parents, why they let such thing be then I remember "it's actually nothing wrong about it" in view of others, about the strictness of money. How can I guarantee I won't buy cig. with money received? Why the difficult life been 17 years then schizophrenic moments are not trusted moment of getting money? Why schizophrenic is so bad that no spiking of medicines occur for me? 17 years is too long, then the story of psychic that baby will be sick if I have baby, then my age isn't it too late? I want to get married to have lineage a.s.a.p like a child-like feelings or anger or tantrum? Isn't money the way of life like I can just go out to places and think something else? I feel like going to woodlands jetty this time to take fresh air but the bicycle have no gear, but it's to exercise anyway, it would be heavy to cycle, it's new matter in my mind.
I remember I threw new things before, and my family throw a lot of things that I ever bought expensive in my eyes, then they feel it's nothing doesn't it mean they have money? Why can't I just be saving up with money I want then I keep in my bank making myself feel richer outside? I remember 1 of the time I was warded is because I have no money and drink away from cold storage, then cantonment for 1 day and i.m.h, means they don't consider me as theft? I went out without money alone outside searching for my Soulmate.
I'm let to miss my Soulmate (S), and went to her old house(I assume she shifted C.C.K) at Bedok Reservoir walking around outside. My family don't worry because of Selawat to me when I was still inside tummy of my mother? Why they let me miss my soulmate and I walk so far to Bedok Reservoir?
Neighbour don't have to reply though but if want to respond by letters is okay too. It would be funny like emotional writing then live so close.
The belief about Recitation is really that strong that "actually there's nothing wrong me with me" in belief then isn't schizophrenic behaviour something Physical to surrounding people and a kind of Image on Me? I really hope they try discover ways to heal me rather than recitations(that I would still try as I want to become Wali Allah) to recover. I don't know why I get Schizophrenia and loss of moments for 17 years in my life then everyone seems normal or even (could be angry I did not work), like there's no nicer way of talking(about last year when I did not take medication and never work for so long).
The fact of the cleaner job is really hard, the backpain for just few seconds of doing it is bad, but I don't know the training is doing what. I really hope for a soldier job or easier task.
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